If I Were Funny Quotes
Collection of top 68 famous quotes about If I Were Funny
If I Were Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational If I Were Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record.
— Richard Roberts
Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything ...
— Clive Barker
I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous.
— Christopher Buckley
Her hands were large and knuckley and calloused, made to hold a rifle, not a needle.
— Hilary Mantel
One does not simply ring Roland.Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews
I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is.
— Michael Jordan
I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff.
— Todd Phillips
And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
— Murray Walker
The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault.
— M.F. Moonzajer
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
— Adam Sandler
Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds.
— Dave Barry
Life is funny; it really is.
— Karyn Bosnak
Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them.
— Seth Godin
It's funny: half my films were flops, half did well. It would be terrible if I'd had only success.
— Claude Lelouch
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
— Demetri Martin
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
— Henny Youngman
If I were you, I'd go and do that. : VikalpThat's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary
Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.
— Simone Elkeles
At one point you think, well, it's funny, I could just be a starving actor. So if somebody were to pull the plug, there'd be no room for complaint.
— Michael Fassbender
Look, if I were straight, you'd be grandparents before your time. You should be relieved that I'm gay. Aren't you grateful?
— Hayden Thorne
I got my start in silent radio.
— Bob Monkhouse
When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.
— Yogi Berra
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, How to Build a Boat.
— Stephen Wright
Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case.
— Carla H. Krueger
If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.
— Russell Howard
I think the world would be a simpler place if 'douche' and 'touche' were pronounced the same.
— Travis J. Dahnke
Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die.Kate to Will — Elizabeth Scott
How much detention did you get?Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins
Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.
— Lois Greiman
Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'
— David Letterman
As humans we speak one language ...
— Avril Lavigne
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson
Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.
— Rebecca Brooks
He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery.
— Holly Black
I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.
— Michael Summers
Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs!
— Mehmet Murat Ildan
Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.""Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
— Jerry Seinfeld
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
— Mitch Hedberg
The ballgame is over ... in this inning.
— Jerry Coleman
She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.
— Tammara Webber
I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy.
— Eric Drooker
Text messages are dying a funny kind of death.
— Anonymous
In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music.
— Orson Scott Card
It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless.
— Caprice Bourret
Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
— Caitlin Hale
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
— Robin Williams
