Humorous Quotations Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Humorous Quotations
Humorous Quotations Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humorous Quotations quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Weakness is weaker when discovered by others.
— Mita Jain
Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.
— Jacob M. Appel
If they were afraid of him, then he must be Satan or something even worse, like maybe Sarah Palin.
— Stephani Hecht
It's better to oversleep and miss the boat than get up early and sink.
— Elizabeth Jane Howard
Did you ever notice how the words Attention and Alienation look the same when you are staring at them from a distance?
— Alisia Compton
If Jeb Bush gets elected, I'll know that on my way back from overseas, I entered Biff Tannen's parallel universe.
— Matthew D. Heines
This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit.-Ty Henderson — Madeleine Urban
When we removed your son, we replaced him with nothing!
— Julius Malema
Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.
— Matshona Dhliwayo
How'd you like to sleep between dragons?
— L.R.W. Lee
A hand closed around her arm, warm and hard, and it could possibly have been comforting if she had possessed the faintest idea whose appendage it was.
— Lilith Saintcrow
Deep down, he's shallow.
— Peter De Vries
Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.
— Darynda Jones
Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection.
— Carroll Bryant
If the pen is mightier than the sword, then what is the laptop? A light saber or a life saver?
— K.S. Collier
Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.
— Carroll Bryant
Humans are animals, but aren't we supposed to be civilized animals?
— Justine Monikue
This sucks the hind teat.
— Patricia Grasso
Carrie Fay always says that nothing is really horrible unless it eats away your face.
— Katie MacAlister
I've always worried a lot. And frankly I'm good at it." The late Erma Bombeck, one of the funniest women ever.
— Catherine Robertson
If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..
— Melissa Mercer
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
— Peter De Vries
Pardon me Mam,I'm new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?
— Frank Calvin Mann
If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.
— Michael P. Clutton
Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.
— Terry Pratchett
Does breakfast in bed count as a morning workout?
— Elizabeth Jane Howard
If you have pain in your ass, it doesn't mean you have done something wrong, but it's probably because you're wearing your little brother's underwear.
— Waheed Ibne Musa
What do you want?""Spain"
"Fuck! — Christopher Moore
Knock-knock, motherfucker.
— Jenny Lawson
This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.
— Cara Lynn Shultz
Raising a child is a time of RAPID CHANGE! From the ages of 0 to 19, a PARENT can age over 30 years!
— Tanya Masse
Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.
— Jim Moorman
I doubt you would recognize an adventure of any sort if it came right up and bit you on the aMother!
I was going to say arm. — Victoria Alexander
How beautiful would history have been if it could be written beforehand and then acted out like drama!
— Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh
Wow," says Peter, "when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.
— Adam Selzer
Do you believe your gentle birth will turn a bullet?""Why, yes," Rhett said solemnly. "Hell yes! Gentle birth's got to be good for something! — Donald McCaig
Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
— Darynda Jones
Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey
— Amunhotep El Bey
Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.
— Addison C. Arthur
Much of writing might be described as mental pregnancy with successive difficult deliveries. J.B. PRIESTLEY
— Janice Lane Palko
Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.
— Salman Aditya
Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.
— Chuck Palahniuk
When I was young, I believed God was a woman because I couldn't come up with any other explanation as to why the universe was so tidy.
— Matshona Dhliwayo
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)
— Darynda Jones
So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.
— Edgar Degas
Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity ... I'm close enough to walk!
— Tanya Masse
... but some say that reality is what happens inside a writer's head, and it is fiction which takes place outside it.
— Barry A. Whittingham
People ask why are you so strange and I always reply why are you so normal ...
— Shadowstorm Norwicca
Leo could run pretty fast when someone was trying to kill him. Sadly, he'd had a lot of practice.
— Rick Riordan
Is he your only child? I asked, "my only son" padma said. "My condolences" I said ... Anita Blake
— Laurell K. Hamilton
Is it a lucky break if you get run over by an ambulance?
— Stewart Lee Beck
Oh, adorable, delicious Amelie. If I weren't so completely straight and enamored with cock, I would devour this sweet little tart.
— Ella Dominguez
In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.
— Amunhotep El Bey
In my family nudity just doesn't exist; I'm pretty sure my parents were both born fully clothed and still shower that way.
— Huston Piner
99% of all problems can be solved by money and for the other 1% there's alcohol. — Quentin R. Bufogle
You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt
— Laurell K. Hamilton
Blast ignorant people with high-powered streams of information and wisdom, but only when fire hoses are not readily available.
— Cassandra Duffy
I can't seem to recall if I've ever had amnesia before.
— Stewart Lee Beck
I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.
— Carroll Bryant
And (b) Kissing someone so that you can get a free trip is perilously close to full-on hooking
— John Green
Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
— Jenny Lawson
God doesn't send atheists to Hell there's no room with all the Christians down there. — Quentin R. Bufogle
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
We lost Klimmt, Schiele and Moll
— George Pratt
Only love will attract love."~ Amunhotep El Bey
— Amunhotep El Bey
Only the great warriors fall down from their horses; one would not fall who rides a donkey cart.
— Waheed Ibne Musa
Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John.
— William Shakespeare
God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.
— William Shakespeare
We are not in a foul humor, Belkin. We are in a corrupt-tempered moon. There is a difference, you know.
— Rachel Heffington
I'm an American, our names don't mean shit.
— Quentin Tarantino
Occasionally a moderately intelligent thought misses a turn and accidentally enters my mind
— Barry Hughart
Froi heard Zabat's voice echo over and over again throughout the gorge. Wonderful. The gods had found a way of multiplying the idiot's voice.
— Melina Marchetta
Isis what did you mean when you said to Lilith that Ian thought Gaia was a MILF?
— Shadowstorm Norwicca
Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.
— Matshona Dhliwayo
Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened?
— Carroll Bryant
Never make an important decision with your pants down.
— Katie Thayne
Joker: I don't mind you saying that, Johnny. Sometimes, I need to hear the obvious... now is not one of those times, though.
— Brian Azzarello
Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone has taste.
— Karen Salmansohn
