Humorous Life Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humorous Life

Humorous Life Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humorous Life quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain. — Neil Leckman

Jesus girls! Wake up! If a guy wants to drain you of your energy, emotions, and life force he won't sparkle in the sunshine, he'll just marry you. — Nick Shamhart

The good or ill hap of a good or ill life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill wife. — Benjamin Franklin

Time may be defined as " dimension governed by activity." Dimension diminishes with inactivity so does the value of time. — Moutasem Algharati

Life is a circle. It spins you around. — Ljupka Cvetanova

If I were to be honest, I'm probably fifty percent bagel. Okay, fine, sixty percent. — Christy Hall

The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights) — Warren Moore

Among the top ten things I've learned in life: when your hair stylist is having a bad day, reschedule. — P.M. Terrell

I've admired a lot of people in my life time and some of them were actually alive. — Stanley Victor Paskavich

If life takes you long way, take a shortcut! — Baba

I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life. — Ted Lange

Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed. — Tanya Masse

Life is not for understanding or to known rather it is for living & only for living — Nitin Yaduvanshi

If you have more cavities than you have teeth you've led a 'Sweet' life. — Stanley Victor Paskavich

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it. — George Burns

Life is about more that quotes about life — John Chaplin

He bowed over her hand and kissed the knuckles. He'd never despised a glove more in his life. — Kristi Ann Hunter

Sometimes life takes oreos. But we have to learn to deal with it. — Kayleigh Zubrod

So intense was his sexual frustration that it had begun to feel like a life-threatening illness: testicular gout, libidinal gangrene. — Ned Beauman

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget. — Carroll Bryant

My life is a plate of perfectly edible but ordinary scrambled eggs. I want them savory, creamy, cheesy and maybe with bacon on the side. — Varsha Bajaj

I love the very exposed, humorous, imperfect, never-trying to-pretend-to-be-perfect journey that I have been on in my life. — Drew Barrymore

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered. — Victor J. Stenger

The most overpowering will is the will to not work. — Saleem Sharma

If men had to have babies there wouldn't be any sex life left. — Thorne Smith

Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!" — George Carlin

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem. — George Bernard Shaw

Hindsight is usually more tragic than helpful. — Linda S. Godfrey

My favorite quote in the world is this one. — Richelle E. Goodrich

I get a kick out of cursing people for life on Sundays. — Emily Kirby

Life plots elegantly. — Alice Randall

I'm turning into an old man. I own four pairs of oxfords, my stories get a little long winded, and my neighbors play their music too loud. — Christy Hall

I have never seen so much male hotness in one place in my entire life," Rach rasps. "I fucking love America. — Siobhan Davis

Life is too short to be treated shabbily. — C.S. Reid

When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing. — Harold Pinter

If I had a nickel for all the times I've been shushed in my life? Bam! Instant millionaire! — Christy Hall

I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave. — Michelle M. Pillow

I'm half good and I'm half bad. My mama is a very good girl and my daddy is a very bad boy. And I guess that leaves me somewhere sort of ... here. — C. JoyBell C.

Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee. — Karen Salmansohn

You don't seem to realise, that in married life three is company and two is none. — Oscar Wilde

Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life. — Marie Phillips

Just because someone's a pain in the ass in life, doesn't mean when they're dead, we shouldn't be respectful. — M. Judeth Nelson

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. — Erin Mitchell

If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke. — Chandan Sharma

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life. — Dave Barry

Play and be happy. — Lailah Gifty Akita

It's human nature to view life from our own reality.
This causes serious problems when a rescue mission is being led by the senile or insane. — Jaime Buckley

When life gives you lemons, find a friend whose life has given them tequila and have a party. — Nefertiti Faraj

When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account ... — Hiroko Sakai

Don't tell me you have OCD about this?"
"OCD, ADHD - pretty sure if they come up with some new acronym tomorrow I'd have it. — Cyma Rizwaan Khan

Obviously life was a mean girl, and she was its bitch. — Naima Simone

I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls ... — Hiroko Sakai

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night. — Christy Hall

Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. — Vladimir Nabokov

There's no such thing as a sane woman. — Andrew Sturm

I mean. You put puppies in a store front, I will stop and giddily stare. Every. Single. Time. — Christy Hall

I guess 'joint' would imply two people had ownership, which, thanks Life, is simply no longer the case. — Ann Benjamin

Why had his mother gone to the trouble of bringing him into the world if the most exciting moment in his life was having been made lame by a bayonet? — Felix J. Palma

He has his head in the clouds. He must live in a skyscraper. — Ljupka Cvetanova

You are a curse in my life! — Charles Perrault

Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity ... I'm close enough to walk! — Tanya Masse

Life is too transcendentally humorous for a man not to take it seriously. Compared with it, Death is but a shallow jest. — William John Locke

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! — Christina Scalise

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man". — Russell Beland

Throughout life try to remember ... to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher! — Timothy Pina

I'll share my life with you. But, not my doughnuts. — Crystal Woods

In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality. — Robert A. Heinlein

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. — W. Somerset Maugham

Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments. — Robert Fulghum

When life gives you lemons, put your lipstick on! — Dana Page

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping. — Milton Berle

My life is measured into two distinct phases . . . BC is before cellulite and AC is for after cellulite. Sad but so true! — Various

The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life. — V.S. Pritchett

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

When I was a younger man and had a life, I owned an El Camino pickup in the '70s. It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had Astroturf in the back. — William J. Clinton

Always take a compliment, even if it's not yours — Benny Bellamacina

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble. — Stephen King

Overflowing with the milk of human kindness, the family had invited everyone they could think of, including people they cordially disliked. — Gerald Durrell

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people. — F Scott Fitzgerald

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights) — Eve Kagan

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life. — Jerome K. Jerome

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on! — Ljupka Cvetanova

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Real life ... Witches: Wiccan practitioners. Werewolves: rare strain of rabies. Zombies: Prions/Plague. Vampires: Hemophilia/Porphyria — Solange Nicole

Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter. — Vann Chow

Can you imagine life without the horror genre? There would be no monsters. Only a**holes. — Michael A. Arnzen

He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots. — Christine Feehan

A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large. — Alyce Cornyn-Selby

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all. — Matshona Dhliwayo

Life is full of things that can kill me, you vampire m*****f****r, and you sure as shit can just get in line!
Dr. Adin Tredeger — Z.A. Maxfield

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder. — Christy Hall

If you want to add some variety to your sex life, why don't you just use your other hand?" ~ Gabi — Cherise Sinclair

You know your life is completely screwed up when you have to look up the mythological figures who talk to you in the bathroom mirror. — Maurissa Guibord

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. — Erma Bombeck

Life's a crapshoot, Sam. At least you filled the cheap seats. — Robert Bruce Cormack

There are times when looking on the bright side takes a lot ot work. I'm taking a break from it tonight. I'll be back at it tomorrow. — C.C. Alma

Men fight like men. Women fight like unchained demons. — Heather Blanton

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In his life there was only one woman. The other one. — Ljupka Cvetanova