Humor Marriage Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humor Marriage

Humor Marriage Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Marriage quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Life - with or without softener- is hard — Kate Papas

You need to be my wife to win with me. — Pawan Mishra

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting. — Helen Rowland

Present a united front: YOU against the zombies. — Jesse Petersen

The story of my marriage, which is the great joy and astonishment of my life, is too much like a fairy tale, the German kind, unsweetened by Disney. — Ann Patchett

A sure romance killer is to NOT shut the bathroom door. — Toni Sorenson

You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife would rather listen to a cackling drug lord than accept your apology. — Red Tash

She was blissfully unaware of her peril. — Anne Taintor

For better or for worse, but not for lunch,... — Abigail Thomas

When single you are," Roger said, imitating Yoda dispensing advice to Luke, "get laid you can. When married you get, make love you do. — Sean Kennedy

I decided, on the spot, to let God into my heart, in the hope that my newfound faith can somehow be used as a vicious weapon in the marital war. — Nick Hornby

It's the perfect solution. We argue all the time. We can't stand each other. It's like we're already married. — Lisa Kleypas

Nothing makes sense, not that much of the world ever did."
Quote from the book: "UnHoly Pursuit: The Devil on My Trail. — A. White

I'm married, honey. My social life consists of work, church, taxiing the kids around and trying to schedule sex with my husband at least once a month. — Marilyn Pappano

Well, no, not married as such, but yes, there is a specific girl that I'm not married to. — Douglas Adams

The bride will keep her name and, after considerable negotiation, the groom will, too. — Meg Waite Clayton

I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art. — L.M. Montgomery

It's part of the marriage vows. Didn't you read the fine print? To have and to harass. — Rachel Caine

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. — Ogden Nash

Next morning while imbibing his morning tea beneath his pink silken quilt Bernard decided he must marry Ethel with no more delay. — Daisy Ashford

You're a ring-wearing, save-yourself-for-marriage kind of girl. I dig that. — E.C. Newman

When I get married, I'm gonna register at Bank of America. — Chelsea Handler

Life keeps changing without giving a damn about our personal feelings. — Kate Papas

Should I get married? Should I be good? — Gregory Corso

She forgot: it was as simple as that. She just loved being with the guy. Possibly enough that not even their own wedding could screw it up. — Tim Farrington

I believe people ought to mate for life ... like pigeons or Catholics. — Woody Allen

An uncomfortable marriage can not bear the strain of the death of a beloved donkey. — Merrie Haskell

But he's mad, completely mad, and he turns his wives into golems. He needs killing, not negotiation. — T. Kingfisher

Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other's vices. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Don't get mad about the infestation of fleas if you keep shopping at the dog pound. — Valerie J. Lewis Coleman

You know your husband truly loves you when he calls you, "Money, I'm home! — Natalya Vorobyova

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love. — Bill Cosby

Opposities are married. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage. — Norm MacDonald

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage. — William Shakespeare

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage. — Chris Rock

Show physical affection. Nothing says "I love you" like bearing the entirety of your spouse's weight. — Jesse Petersen

If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting. — Colette

We got married: society's solution to loneliness, lust and laundry. — Luke Rhinehart

There is a perfect marriage. Any marriage counselor can tell you that. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Maybe he's been in Africa so long he has forgotten that we Christians have our own system of marriage, and it is called Monotony. — Barbara Kingsolver

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper — Casey Renee Kiser

Psychologists call this habituation, economists call it declining marginal utility, and the rest of us call it marriage. — Daniel M. Gilbert

The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents' wedding. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife — Shelley Winters

Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage. — David Sedaris

My mother is convinced that yellow is a happy color and that a happy girl would get a husband.
-Penelope Featherington — Julia Quinn

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.' — Robin Williams

The secret to a happy marriage is a sense of humor, because marriage throws you curveballs. It is not easy. — Ann Romney

I used to be a dreamer, but marriage changed all that.
D'Artagnan Bloodhawke — D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. — P.G. Wodehouse

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. — Barry Parham

The lot of the bride
to be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten. — Roman Payne

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached. — Jacob Braude

Such a mad marriage never was before. — William Shakespeare

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it. — Helen Rowland

In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice. — Lois Greiman

The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. — Mark W. Boyer

She has carefully audited her life and found she has no requirement for a husband. — Helen Smith

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end. — Lois Greiman

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right. — Oscar Wilde

For her, marriage was a sweetened version of murder. — Daniel Saldana Paris

Men are from Mars. Zombies are from Hell. — Jesse Petersen

Phoebus de Chateaupers likewise came to a 'tragic end': he married. — Victor Hugo

All due respect to the Resurrection, but two-becoming-one might be the greatest miracle ever. — Jen Hatmaker

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half. — Jess C. Scott

The friendship that we established early on in our marriage ... that carries you through tough times. That and a good sense of humor. — Barack Obama

I'm a registered Republican, I only seem liberal because I believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage. — Aaron Sorkin

Do you ever get a panicky feeling that nobody cares if you live or die? (A husband will often care decisively, one way or another.) — Sandra Gould

Some single men stop drinking when they git married and others start! — Tennessee Williams

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — Groucho Marx

Sure, I was married..."once."
Which is why, even to this very day, "never again" continues to be my favorite number. — Scott Schafer

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

I think that sense of humor is important in marriage. A sense of humor gets people through marriage. — Kyle Chandler

The last time I was this confused I was watching a Fassbinder film. — Ken O'Neill

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks. — Bauvard

Admit when you're wrong. It doesn't fix a busted leg, of course, but it's a nice gesture none-the-less. — Jesse Petersen

Not only is love blind, it's a little hard of hearing. — Brian P. Cleary

A tattoo is permanent; with a marriage you can more easily change your mind. — Carolyn V. Hamilton

Darling, I would follow you through the blackest midnight - just not without my trousers! — Seth Adam Smith

I hope you smile, laugh, and maybe even learn something that will help you along the way to happily-ever-after. — T.N. Carpenter

Weddings, I began to understand, were vile, filthy things when they ran amuck. — Laurie Notaro

Nothing's really changed since then, except that now any children we have might be wizards themselves, and I'll be hopelessly outnumbered. — Eilis O'Neal

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much! — Ljupka Cvetanova

Don't discuss your relationship problems with friends. Your zombie problems are another story entirely. — Jesse Petersen

At the top of the list of what makes a successful marriage, is a sense of humor. — Deborah Kerr

Divorce runs high these days, but I'm an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular. — Bauvard

The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives. — Thomas Dekker

One should always be in love. That's the reason one should never marry. — Oscar Wilde

When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. — Helen Rowland

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th. — Scott Adams

A smart wife is one who makes sure she spends so much that her husband can't afford another woman. — Miriam Defensor Santiago

It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill. — Gail Carriger

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. — Dave Barry

Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife. — Pawan Mishra

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad — Terry Pratchett

I married my first husband for love, my second husband for adventure, and my third husband for laffs. — Carolyn V. Hamilton

No Marriage Is Perfect. But every relationship has value! — Rashika Roberts

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. — Helen Rowland