Humor Funny Life Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Humor Funny Life
Humor Funny Life Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor Funny Life quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate ... Choose science.
— Carl Sagan
To be, or not to be: what a question!
— E.A. Bucchianeri
Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)
— Andrew Sturm
Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.
— Sheeja Jose
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
— Lily Tomlin
With a sense of humor, you can tackle any situation in life. Moreover, you'll also learn to see the funny side of things.
— His Holiness Divas
You mustn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are.
— Marisa De Los Santos
Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.
Liv was horrified. — Danika Stone
Liv was horrified. — Danika Stone
How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?
— Natasha Leggero
If she kept wondering about how much of her life Bran engineered, she'd end up on a funny farm knitting caps for ducks.
— Patricia Briggs
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
— Michael Summers
Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
— Victor J. Stenger
All lines are gray in the dark.
— Nenia Campbell
Sometimes I make my life a living hell by writing complex stories with complex characters. But I love it.
— Kevin James Breaux
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
How do you know you're a mom? If you never have a Kleenex in your purse when YOU need it? L. R. W. Lee
— L.R.W. Lee
I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them.
— Michael Summers
Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.
— Lois Greiman
The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.
— Frankie Boyle
A girl can dream can't she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey.
— Sophie Monroe
Reality Sucks, I want my dreams back.
— Sandra Chami Kassis
I had a dream about you last night ... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive.
— Nicole McKay
Therefore, you might end up, like be dead, with still having that notion of 'not giving up' in your mind.
— Jay Mark D. Saga-ad
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist.
— Michael Summers
Oh God, Oh God we're all gonna die doesn't really fit the definition of banter, now does it?
— Lilith Saintcrow
This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.
— Erin Mitchell
Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury. — Saleem Sharma
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury. — Saleem Sharma
I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me.
— Greg Kinnear
Play and be happy.
— Lailah Gifty Akita
If I'll be funnier than this, I'll become a joke.
— Chandan Sharma
The human body is the best work of art.
— Jess C. Scott
We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!
— Criss Jami
Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
— Russell Howard
Life before toilet paper was not worth living.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
— Ellen DeGeneres
Never in his life had he hit a girl, nor would he. But, right now, he wanted to kick that NSA cutie in the ass cheek.
— Shane Scollins
Smiles are a funny thing
and laughter is hilarious.
I smile sometimes
when I am delirious. — Casey Renee Kiser
and laughter is hilarious.
I smile sometimes
when I am delirious. — Casey Renee Kiser
Wise is the fool who becomes a master at laughter.
— Curtis Tyrone Jones
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".
— Russell Beland
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Life without humor is not funny.
— Fishel Jacobs
I want you to lie to me just as sweetly as you know how for the rest of my life.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
— Russell Howard
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
— Dave Attell
Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.
— Zane Stumpo
Eternity is not a super-abundance of time, but timelessness.
— Vijay Balakrishnan
Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
— Christina Scalise
He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski
I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.
— Amy Summers
It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
— Charlotte Perkins Gilman
I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear.
— Michael Summers
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
— Patti LaBelle
My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
— Ali Shariati
I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.
— Michael Summers
He's quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen].
— Ewan McGregor
Life is a mighty joke that is not meant to be funny.
— Janvier Chouteu-Chando
Economists and psychologists get confused when they are asked 'out of syllabus' questions by life!
— Saurabh Sharma
Life is a joke, even though it is not always funny.
— Stephan Attia
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I do not believe in any religion, I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.
— George Gordon Byron