Humor And Sarcasm Quotes: top 64 famous quotes about Humor And Sarcasm

Humor And Sarcasm Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humor And Sarcasm quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble! — Douglas Coupland

When it rains it pours and when it shines you get melanoma. — Sol Luckman

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night."
"And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically. — S.E. Jakes

Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'. — Shannon Hale

Why fall? Let's rise in love together; and while we're at it, let's come up with lamer quotations. — Ahmed Mostafa

Just for the record the weather today is slightly sarcastic, with a good chance of A. indifference and B. disinterest in what the critics say. — Panic At The Disco

- Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious! — Bryanna Reid

I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that's what they do when I'm not around. — Alex Owens

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is ... beastly. — Victoria Scott

I'm sorry I missed the meeting and hurt your little feely-weels okay? — Nenia Campbell

Don't read it. Just shred and burn, or your eyes will melt. — Rachel Caine

There is a fine line between sarcasm and hostility, you seemed to have crossed it. What's up? — Cassandra Clare

Don't make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will. — H.M. Ward

Worms have crawled up your nose and eaten your wits. — George R R Martin

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble. — Terry Pratchett

Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar. — Nenia Campbell

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is. — N.L. Gervasio

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of ... piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she's ripe? — Tessa Dare

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss? — Nenia Campbell

You could shove it up your ass and pretend you're a corn dog.
COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED — Ernest Cline

I guess we'll just sit around here and casually die, then. — Olivia Harvard

Double Sword Tavern." Tristan said, reading out loud. "Sounds charming and inviting. — B.C. Morin

What is your advice to young writers?"
"Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes. — Charles Bukowski

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we're on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. — Richelle Mead

The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences. — Jonathan Stroud

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.'
'And yet it is still extremely funny. — Cecelia Ahern

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming. — Alanis Morissette

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge. — Karen Quan

Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for. — Nenia Campbell

If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all. — Joe Hill

That's sarcasm! You can't talk to me like that! You're just a servant!"
"That's right. And so are you. — Terry Pratchett

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash — Hazel Blackthorn

And I have a tiny little moment of anxiety, because I can't remember whether or not we're meant to be boycotting mars bars. — David Nicholls

High School. Society's bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life. — Chris Colfer

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others. — Gayle Forman

When all else fails ... try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work ... have another. — Timothy Pina

Sarcasm, as it turned out
even when it was instinctive and quick
cut into the time one had to manufacture one's escape. — Mel Odom

Why a woman turns fifty and certain people to whom she gave birth start thinking she should be wearing orthopedic shoes is completely beyond me. — Kelly Hunter

I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.
'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated. — Melina Marchetta

Yeah, over my scattered panties, I asked him to dinner and told him to bring a friend. - Laney — Joann I. Martin Sowles

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don't go nutty on me. — Nicki Elson

I actually wanted to drive a stake through your heart when you first came here, all silent and moody. But you're not so bad, after all. — Christina Channelle

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape. — Jacqueline Patricks

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn't exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale. — Kelly Moran

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too? — Rachel Caine

Give a hippie too much money and anything can happen. — Neil Young

Some sarcasm is best told simply. Some humor is best told big and some is best told small. — Kevin Hart

It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious. — Meg Cabot

If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will. — Elizabeth Peters

Knives and candlelight," he said, "how romantic. — Nenia Campbell

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs. — Oliver Goldsmith

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped. — Rick Riordan

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, "That'd better be your gun."
"Why yes, I always pack my gun where it'll blow my balls off."[Landon] — Patrice Michelle

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair. — Tana French

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible. — Fanny Britt

I speak two languages: English and Sarcasm. — Don Rittner

While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open...and guess what fell out!....Ooops — Karen Gibbs

The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ... — Bella Shadow

It's fascinating. You know all these words, and they're all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don't make any sense. — Cassandra Clare

MacMillian groaned again, and sat up. "Clients?"
"Yeah. You know, people who'll give us money in exchange for work. — Laura Oliva

What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.
American novels, answered Lord Henry. — Oscar Wilde

people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something — Mary Elizabeth Summer

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better. — George Carlin