Groucho Marx Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Groucho Marx quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I always preferred Harpo to Groucho Marx. — Lee Evans

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party. — Groucho Marx

Before I speak, I have something important to say. — Groucho Marx

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'. — Groucho Marx

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came, but just the same, I must be going. — Groucho Marx

Once I put it down I couldn't pick it back up. — Gerald Massey

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world. — Groucho Marx

But what makes wage slaves? Wages! — Groucho Marx

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar — Groucho Marx

If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does. — Groucho Marx

Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added — Groucho Marx

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx

I have nothing but respect for you
and not much of that. — Groucho Marx

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago ... I shot my broker. — Groucho Marx

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth" — Groucho Marx

Goodreads is where introverts unite. — Groucho Marx

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say. — Groucho Marx

Was that you or the duck? — Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. — Groucho Marx

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy — Groucho Marx

The only real laughter comes from despair. — Groucho Marx

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx

Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed. — Groucho Marx

Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast. — Groucho Marx

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. — Groucho Marx

I'll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18. — Groucho Marx

If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you! — Groucho Marx

Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspective. — John Lithgow

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! — Groucho Marx

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy. — Groucho Marx

I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. — Groucho Marx

I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member — Groucho Marx

I hate London when it's not raining. — Groucho Marx

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx

Do you mind if I don't smoke? — Groucho Marx

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. — Groucho Marx

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now. — Groucho Marx

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. — Groucho Marx

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees? — Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad. — Groucho Marx

It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious. — Groucho Marx

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do! — Groucho Marx

It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going. — Groucho Marx

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. — Groucho Marx

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. — Groucho Marx

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me — Groucho Marx

I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid. — Michael Feldman

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up — Groucho Marx

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. — Groucho Marx

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor. — Groucho Marx

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy — Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. — Groucho Marx

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. — Groucho Marx

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind. — Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. — Anthony G. Oettinger

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. — Groucho Marx

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham. — Groucho Marx

He [Harpo] loved life and lived it joyously and deeply and that's about as good an epitaph as anyone can have. — Groucho Marx

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs — Groucho Marx

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? — Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. — Groucho Marx

I shall drink no # wine before it's time! OK, it's time. — Groucho Marx

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. — Groucho Marx

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free! — Groucho Marx

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it. — Groucho Marx

Patience is the art of finding something else to do. — Groucho Marx

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. — Groucho Marx

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. — Groucho Marx

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. — Groucho Marx

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? — Groucho Marx

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while — Groucho Marx

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus — Groucho Marx

In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know. — Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx This is not a book that should be set aside lightly - it should be flung with great force. — Groucho Marx

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera! — Groucho Marx

What have future generations ever done for us? — Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. — Groucho Marx

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. — Groucho Marx

Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor. — Groucho Marx

Budget: a way of going broke methodically — Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. — Groucho Marx

Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. — Groucho Marx

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life — Groucho Marx

Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks. — Groucho Marx

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do! — Groucho Marx

This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach. — Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. — Groucho Marx

Here's to our wives and girlfriends ... may they never meet! — Groucho Marx

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week. — Groucho Marx

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old. — Groucho Marx

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. — Groucho Marx

Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world. — Groucho Marx

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?"
Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight. — Groucho Marx

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. — Groucho Marx

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?"
"Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers! — Groucho Marx

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. — Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels. — Groucho Marx

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does — Groucho Marx

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face. — Groucho Marx

If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake. — Groucho Marx