Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny
Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record.
— Richard Roberts
Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything ...
— Clive Barker
Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey.
— Eduard Heine
For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.
— Elizabeth Inchbald
I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous.
— Christopher Buckley
Her hands were large and knuckley and calloused, made to hold a rifle, not a needle.
— Hilary Mantel
One does not simply ring Roland.Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews
Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.
— Lisa Hoffman
Woah, their gorgeous not so fast I haven't even catched your name or your number - Jaxson Evans
— Brit Gosik
Do try The House by fresh new author, Susannah Mansfield, it's funny, sad and very different, you'll love the characters and the stories.
— Susannah Mansfield
Bursting into flame would definitely blow my cover.
— Rob Thomas
I think people like comedies and I think concept driven comedies seem to be working when it's a clear concept and you deliver funny stuff.
— Todd Phillips
And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
— Murray Walker
When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
— Franklyn Ajaye
The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault.
— M.F. Moonzajer
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
Fuck you.""Promise? — Carole Cummings
I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.
— Adam Sandler
That is a fart without wind ... in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny.
— Faye Kellerman
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried.
— Charles Caleb Colton
The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you.
— David Foster Wallace
Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds.
— Dave Barry
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing 'A' really fast somewhere.
— Daniel Tosh
Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door.
— Charlton Ogburn
It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.
— Jerry Coleman
Ferrari leads, McLaren second, McLaren second, Jordan third, and Benneton fifth and sixth.
— Murray Walker
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
I came up with a good idea ... see-through skin.
— Karl Pilkington
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
— Jean Baudrillard
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
— Josh Billings
There's no such thing as too much power!
— Wolfgang Gullich
Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. — Veronica Roth
Funny how God offers you everything you've asked for, only to force you to turn it away.
— Sunjeev Sahota
I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.
— Warren Buffett
Tell Savitar I said hi.
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
— Don Rickles
Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things.
— James Dashner
His knives are nice. Mine is better.
— C.J. Redwine
It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room.
— Richard Marx
Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.
— Richard Brinsley Sheridan
I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.
— Michael Summers
Text messages are dying a funny kind of death.
— Anonymous
I find it very difficult to be funny, it's much easier to do tragedy than it is to do comedy.
— Eric Drooker
She shuddered. What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then.
— Tammara Webber
The ballgame is over ... in this inning.
— Jerry Coleman
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
— Jerry Seinfeld
Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.""Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger
Most man can think no better than a child! This fact perfectly explains why there are so many funny beliefs!
— Mehmet Murat Ildan
In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music.
— Orson Scott Card
He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery.
— Holly Black
Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.
— Rebecca Brooks
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson
As humans we speak one language ...
— Avril Lavigne
Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'
— David Letterman
Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.
— Lois Greiman
How much detention did you get?Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins
Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them.
— Seth Godin
Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.
— Betty White
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
— Mitch Hedberg
Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
— Elizabeth Eulberg
Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.
— Solange Nicole
It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless.
— Caprice Bourret
Life is funny; it really is.
— Karyn Bosnak
Body language translation: hell yes, dipshit
— Shay Rucker
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
— Demetri Martin
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
— Henny Youngman
I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
— Mitch Hedberg
You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings
If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"
— Mitch Hedberg
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
— Robin Williams
Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious.
— Caitlin Hale
I got my start in silent radio.
— Bob Monkhouse