Funny Stand Up Quotes
Collection of top 39 famous quotes about Funny Stand Up
Funny Stand Up Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Stand Up quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I will not stand here to be insulted by you, hedgepig," Mangiz fumed."Then stand somewhere else and I'll insult you there, featherbag!! — Brian Jacques
Even though I do a more traditional type of being funny on television, I still know a lot of comedians and stand-ups and improv actors.
— Busy Philipps
I'm doing what I love, and then I get months and months of rest. I have a lot of money for a 21-year old. I can't stand it when actors complain.
— Jennifer Lawrence
If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny.
— Judah Friedlander
Tell them to stand closer apart.
— Samuel Goldwyn
Crystal ball and candle light, I want your dance tonight. Show me the power of love as we stand together in the middle of the night.
— Santosh Kalwar
I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
— Chris Tucker
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
— Demetri Martin
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
— Henny Youngman
Ricewind had always relied on running away. But somerimes, perhaps, you had to stand and fight, if only because there was nowhere left to run.
— Terry Pratchett
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'
— Ellen DeGeneres
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
— Don Rickles
I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people.
— Peter Cameron
I love making friends ... it's people I can't stand.
— Linus Torvalds
Pete (Rose) doesn't run with celebrities and he can't stand the phonies. His big buddy in LA ain't Sinatra, it's a funny old groundskeeper.
— Sparky Anderson
Sometimes I was so funny I couldn't stand myself.
— Moira J. Moore
Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.
— Doug Stanhope
I see that even as the world plunges into darkness and peril, you two stand around discussing your love lives. Teenagers.
— Cassandra Clare
I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.
— Charles M. Schulz
I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor ... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.
— Steve Carell
Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.
— Jerry Seinfeld
Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
I don't have a type looks-wise, but all my exes have been funny, open-minded and ambitious. I can't stand men with no passion in life.
— Kathryn Prescott
It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while.
— Danny Bonaduce
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
— Jonathan Tropper
I suppose the things you remember about someone who has died are the funny moments. Those are the ones that stand out.
— Harry Lloyd
So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn't funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it.
— Chuck Palahniuk
When a baseball player makes an error, it goes into the record and is published. How many of us could stand this sort of daily scrutiny?
— Sydney J. Harris
Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.
— Maynard James Keenan
TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.
— Natasha Leggero
Let come the forces of night! We will stand!""We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered. — Jim Butcher