Funny Sleep Quotes: top 50 famous quotes about Funny Sleep

Funny Sleep Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Sleep quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling

How did I prepare for night shifts? When I was a small, anxious kid, I checked my mom in her sleep to make sure she was still breathing. — Joyce Rachelle

Stress and sleep deprivation had a funny way of liberating the mind from previously held truisms, replacing them with a more compliant desperation. — David Z. Hirsch

America has become so tense and nervous it has been years since I have seen anyone sleep in church - and that is a sad situation. — Norman Vincent Peale

Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep. — Bauvard

Why don't you say "What?" if you like to sleep with your own sister. — The Undertaker

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk. — Bernard Manning

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist. — Laurie Notaro

Good plan," Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething. — Ali Sparkes

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. — Julie Kagawa

She would have to ride the nightmare in her sleep. Only that would keep it material, or enable her to dematerialize with it. — Piers Anthony

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don't feel bad. It happens all the time. — Robyn Carr

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

Soon she cried and farted herself to sleep. — Louise Erdrich

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night ... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive. — Nicole McKay

I had a dream about you last night. It wasn't until after you sold me the talking car, I realized you were the world's best ventriloquist. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night ... shortly after I woke up screaming in terror. — Amy Summers

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. — Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I really think I'd be better at, like, advanced napping techniques. — Tui T. Sutherland

Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me — Jon Ronson

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. — Lewis Grizzard

As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind. — Charles Dickens

Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I want you."
"Should I just sleep with my legs spread or what? — Dominique Frost

But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know. — Charlie Sheen

It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day. — Darby Conley

I had a dream about you last night ... Well I say dream I mean nightmare ... you were a Yankee fan. — Nicole McKay

You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest. — Laurann Dohner

I had a dream about you last night ... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs. — Amy Summers

Did he teach you how to bore you opponents to sleep? Because I think I missed that lesson - Allie — Julie Kagawa

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face. — Bauvard

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. — W.C. Fields

Sometimes, when I can't get to sleep, I imagine all the rules I'd invent if I ever got to be in charge of the world. — Sophie Kinsella

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed. — Bauvard

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out. — Mitch Hedberg

I had a dream about you last night ... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream. — Amy Summers

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep. — Chic Murray

Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy. — Niall Horan

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are. — Jim Gaffigan

No man is greater than his respect for sleep. — Ogden Nash

It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!? — Jeff Hirsch

That's all right," she told him. "I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine."
Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism. — Ilona Andrews

You have a couple of buddies sleep over, and, you know, you play cops and robbers. That I'm getting paid to do it now is kind of funny. — Chris O'Donnell

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. — Michael Summers

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. — Phyllis Diller

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. — Woody Allen

Funny how a little sleep, a little makeup, and a lot of contemplating can make you feel like a different person - a stronger version of yourself. — Anna Banks