Funny Restaurant Quotes

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant! — Henny Youngman

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant ... because I believe in myself. — Hannibal Buress

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost. — Kristen Schaal

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. — P.G. Wodehouse

I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." — Mitch Hedberg

I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. — Augusten Burroughs

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' — Richard Branson

On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded." — Yogi Berra

I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right.' — Mitch Hedberg

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito. — Mitch Hedberg

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. — Tim Vine