Funny Relationship Quotes
Collection of top 71 famous quotes about Funny Relationship
Funny Relationship Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Relationship quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.
— Greg Behrendt
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
— Adam Ferrara
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.
— Garry Shandling
It's funny how everyone has a bizarre relationship with Google. The knowledge is there, but no one knows how to use it right.
— Jonathan Gold
My only relationship policy is, don't bring your dirty laundry to work, no sex on company furniture and don't let it affect your work.
— Paula Graves
After all, nothing nurtures a friendship bond more than the ability to consistently bitch about someone else!
— Pawan Mishra
One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
— Carroll Bryant
A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.
— A.R. Gurney
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
— Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder
My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
— Jo Brand
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
— Bob Monkhouse
You're going to be trouble, aren't you?""Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward
I am not fake, I am just too good to be true (-:
— Mahsati Abdul
Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"
— Andy Borowitz
How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?
— Madi Brown
I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage.
— Laura Kightlinger
You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon?
— Julie Cross
I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it
— Elle Kennedy
Love, honor, and negotiate.
— Alan Loy McGinnis
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
— Charles M. Schulz
The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.
— Robert Breault
True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day.
— James E. Faust
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
— Graham Norton
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
— Mike Birbiglia
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
— Mike Birbiglia
Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.
— Lenny Bruce
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
— Carrie Fisher
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
— Edward De Bono
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.
— Walter Matthau
On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.
— Alvin Robertson
Funny thing about love, ain't it? Sometimes it saves you and sometimes, like right then, even love isn't enough.
— Eden Butler
Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky.
— Cathy Ladman
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
— Frank Skinner
Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.
— Matshona Dhliwayo
You're sad? I'll cheer you up. You're upset? I'd love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I'll be there for you.
— Werley Nortreus
In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart.
— Ambrose Bierce
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.
— Ralph Wycherley
My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
— Ali Shariati
Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.
— Jeevagan Nagarajan
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
— George Burns
Seek Not Every Quality In One Individual.
— Confucius
You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.
— Pamela Anderson
