Funny Quotes And Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Funny Quotes And

Funny Quotes And Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Quotes And quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Ish #153 Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. — Regina Griffin

You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child. — Dr. Seuss

Hot, raunchy and funny. - GiveMeBooks — Scarlett Avery

I'll pray for good semen. And I'll get all of my friends to pray for good semen. — Buffy Andrews

I am not fake, I am just to good to be true — Mahsati Abdul

MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?
ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.
MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?
ME: MATH. — KanyaACoffman

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three ... and so on.
Nesta — Cathy Hopkins

Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen — Olivia Cunning

All humans learn from each other's mistakes. Intelligent humans learn how to avoid them, idiots how to do them. — Raheel Farooq

Vomit and shit, even your own, stink. — Sheeja Jose

Love is relentless, and so am I ;) — Keisha Keenleyside

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006. — E.A. Bucchianeri

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. — Nenia Campbell

We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers. — Eddie Izzard

At the end to death I must go,
Finishing a real tragic and funny show. — Mohit K. Misra

Congratulations to your mom and dad for birth of a sweet child!

Sorry that I couldn't wish them when you were born. — Hasil Paudyal

I was just thinking that he might be willing. It's not like he needs his semen. — Buffy Andrews

I'm forty-two," he said. "That's eighty-four in musician years. — Monica Wood

The medium is the message, the message is encrypted, and the encryption key is controlled by NSA. — The Covert Comic

The man may not be dead, but he was certainly stiff. And this had nothing to do with rigor mortis. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one's bowels.

Painful change just takes time. — Jessica Watts

What doesn't kill you makes you CRAZY, GRUMPY, MAD AS EVER? NO it makes you STRONGER! Yep,you'll get there eventually! — Karen Gibbs

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems. — Amit Kalantri

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life. — Anyta Sunday

I will always choose to be an imbecile. I couldn't cut it as an old fashion, and dry gal. — Mary Sage Nguyen

Let's play Russian roulette. If you win, I give you a Colombian necktie. — Natalya Vorobyova

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line. — Nenia Campbell

If you want to say, Lucia, there is no inside of the park benches, I won't argue with you. But, then you have to say where the pigeons come from. — Jesse Ball

Do you remember what I forgot? — Erica Goros

Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case. — Carla H. Krueger

Shit down your computer, and restart. — Claire Chilton

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee. — Ryan Lilly

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) — Jane Dentinger

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne

I like it because it is so funny and harry is so rude and but sometime he ca be nice to people. — Suzy Kline

I don't think this is working out between us," I told him. "You and I want different things. It's not me, it's you. — T.J. Klune

Well, I think Leo's either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity-- or go nuts and kill us all." -Crash — Hazel Blackthorn

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW — Karen Gibbs

Webster said, 'Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. — Peter Matthiessen

I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are. — Fakeer Ishavardas

All I'm saying is I've never seen my ex and satan in the same room. — Unknown

You gazed at the moon and fell in the gutter. — Thomas Fuller

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader. — Denis Markell

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

Hello, Mrs. Tran ... I have David's homework. And if you ever want to see it again, you'll pay me the two million dollars I asked for. — Nenia Campbell

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure. — Santosh Kalwar

Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey — Amunhotep El Bey

If you think it's funny to make fun of the "used car salesman," you better only buy new and never sell your car. Just sayin. — Richie Norton

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. — Nobita Nobi

I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone and lands in Australia. — Judith Viorst

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference. — Amit Kalantri

Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA — Diana Hollingsworth Gessler

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree. — Tammy Blackwell

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Play and be happy. — Lailah Gifty Akita

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him. — Mark Jackman

Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly. — Leah Broadby

Happy COUPLES are those who have passed both chemistry and physics! — Mohith Agadi

Life is funny...we never know what's in store for us and time brings on what is meant to be. — April Mae Monterrosa

Life isn't over until you're dead. Another ultra-positive, ultra-motivational tweet to improve your day. You're welcome. — Carla H. Krueger

His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one. — Kiersten Fay

Life and death played out before my very eyes.
You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly. — Joan Bauer

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese — Lucian Bane

...and yes that was meant to be interpreted in a sarcastic bubblegum tone complete with clapping and jazz hands. — K.R. Grace

Without setbacks there'd be no comebacks, and everyone loves a come. — Kyle Johnson

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare. — Santosh Kalwar

I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we're like Donald Duck. An' I think a lotta guys are afraid of that. — Jonathan Ashworth

Some people are born to fandom, others have fandom thrust upon them. — Nenia Campbell

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

I love your hairless chest." She nuzzled his pecs. "So smooth and sculpted. Like a marble manslut statue. — Nicole Archer

When it's all said and done remember, You are only as old as you look. — Mark W. Boyer

Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. — Regina Griffin

We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don't. We drink to those who fuck us, and fuck those who don't! — Tamsyn Bester

Eagles, buffalos and deserts vast,
it's no good living in the fucking past. — Mark Jackman

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people. — F Scott Fitzgerald

Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans. — Raheel Farooq

Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward."
"Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger

COFFEE! Because this body is NOT going to wake itself up! — Tanya Masse

I said,'What's your problem?' Asshole." There was a question behind his question, and that shadow question was 'Do you want to dance? — Adrian Barnes

My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional. — Wayne Gerard Trotman

Dogs are angels full of poop. — Oliver Gaspirtz

Through a veil of tears I watched the city get smaller and smaller. It was funny, because it sort of felt as if my heart was doing the same thing. — E.M. Denning

Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth. — Rebecca Brooks

Now I am shut up with his mother on Bramble farm and she is no better for conversation than prune whip — Sandra Dallas

Of course, Jules was not a wolf. She was an elephant. But Jules was a very young toy and she had never been to school to learn the difference. — Julie B. Campbell

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. — Regina Griffin

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required. — Wes Adamson

You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The first time I saw a mermaid in my dream, and she looked so real...THAT.'s fishy!! — Ana Claudia Antunes

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Jeez, you're strong. And you, Sam, are a conversational reject. — Anne Tenino

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all. — Matshona Dhliwayo

In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do. — Eraldo Banovac

Ish #19 If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking? — Regina Griffin

If you want to keep people happy, just keep the food and entertainment rolling. — E.A. Bucchianeri

There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled. — Saurabh Sharma

You deserve good sperm. You've waited a long time. — Buffy Andrews

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. — Jonathan Dunne