Funny Over 50 Quotes

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. — Dane Cook

Helpful Reminders for Fathers and Other Birth Companions — Pam England

life is a knife and it stabs — Mira

I stand 100 percent by the truth, exactly what happened. — Jose Canseco

You cannot have man legislating and playing God in Parliament, and at the same time believe that Allah is the only legislator. — Anjem Choudary

Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. — Marilyn Manson

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!" — Henny Youngman

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die. — Bill Bailey

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. — Jim Norton

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson

The Games have been decimated. If you take away the Eastern Bloc, you take away 50% of the medals — Ron Pickering

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. — Sophia Loren

But why do his ears stick out so oddly? Did he have his hair cut? — Leo Tolstoy

O to be self-balanced for contingencies, to confront night, storms, hunger, ridicule, accidents, rebuffs, as the trees and animals do. — Walt Whitman

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95. — Chris Rock

I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50. — Mitch Hedberg

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags. — Frankie Boyle

Mediocrity is the elephant in the room. — Kevin Spacey

voluntary part of their — James A. Michener

Hopefully a preacher didn't need anyone murdered. — James S.A. Corey