Funny Old Man Quotes: top 29 famous quotes about Funny Old Man

Funny Old Man Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Old Man quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Open the book to page ninety-nine and read, and the quality of the whole will be revealed to you. — Ford Madox Ford

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny. — Adam McKay

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively. — Donna Leon

How much do I love you? I'll tell you no lie. How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky? — Irving Berlin

Jason hated being an old man. — Rick Riordan

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. — Jimmy Carr

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. — Molly Harper

Don't cross me Scooby-Doo. I'm not an old man in a mask waiting to be thwarted by you meddling kids. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Horror's a worm that needs to be coughed out before it breeds. — Stephen King

I was a great fan of Jim Henson. — Terri Windling

Your touch has still its ancient power, No word from You can fruitless fall; Hear, in this solemn evening hour, And in Your mercy heal us all. — Henry Twells

An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers. — Aimee Bender

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress." — Greg Giraldo

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. — W.C. Fields

Webster said, 'Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. — Peter Matthiessen

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody. — Dick Van Dyke

If you set a trap for others, you will get caught in it yourself. If you roll a boulder down on others, it will crush you instead. — Anonymous

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents? — Bob Monkhouse

Being a working actor, you're going to do a Spelling show. It's hard not to. — Casper Van Dien

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

I felt vindicated that I decided to speak up for not only myself but women all across the nation who've been put down. — Gretchen Carlson

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! — Rodney Dangerfield

He'd gone from sixteen to seventy-five in a matter of seconds, but the old-man smell happened instantly, like boom. Congratulations! You stink! — Rick Riordan

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." — Rodney Dangerfield

A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old. — Craig Ferguson

In high school, I won a prize for an essay on tuberculosis. When I got through writing the essay, I was sure I had the disease. — Constance Baker Motley

I used to laugh at that old wheeze about a man wanting his son to be better than he was, but as I get older it seems less funny and more true. — Stephen King

My family has always been there to support me along the way. My coach, John Nicks, is a great influence. — Sasha Cohen