Funny Humour Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Humour
Funny Humour Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Humour quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.
— Michael Bassey Johnson
She started naming the fish. 'Loppy, Troppy, Hoppy, Soppy, Boppy, Floppy, Moppy and Roppy.
— Deepika Kumaaraguru
Maruman does not loll.
— Isobelle Carmody
Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.
— Katie McGarry
After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy.
— J.M. Barrie
I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical.
— Nora Roberts
Love is relentless, and so am I ;)
— Keisha Keenleyside
Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.
— John Bellairs
No bikinis on a first date." He nods. "I'm sure that's a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.
— Huntley Fitzpatrick
Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't been caught yet!
— Sara Sheridan
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
Minimalism is a girl's best asset, blend tones, smudge hard outlines; if all else fails; Photoshop it.
— Judith Chambers
Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott
I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know. — Cassandra Clare
Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.
— Rick Riordan
Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually.
— Rick Riordan
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
— Stephen Hawking
This is America. We're entitled to our opinions.""Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing.
— Nathan Hassall
What sort of look are you going for?" Damn, how did he answer this? "Something ... normal," he finally said. — Toni Blake
Mr Moss's courtyard is railed in like a cage, lest the gentlemen who are boarding with him should take a fancy to escape from his hospitality.
— William Makepeace Thackeray
I was not dressed crazily - I was dressed as a horse. And for a very logical and sane reason.
— Diane Messidoro
Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.
— Eoin Colfer
An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor!
— Christina Scalise
A text pops up on the screen. It's from Luis. I can't help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.Luis: Hey — Simone Elkeles
Only dead fishes go with the flow.. I guess that make me a dead fish!
— Shanai Campbell
Ben walks in the room and asks, "What were you guys doing?" Nikki says "Nothing" at the same time I say, "Your sister and I were just makin' out.
— Simone Elkeles
Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.
— Orson Scott Card
Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
— Elizabeth Eulberg
If you can't laugh at yourself, maybe you're not funny
— Benny Bellamacina
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Can I fetch you something, madam? A cup of tea?'In the old days she'd have been 'miss' and he'd have offered her a cocktail. — Sara Sheridan
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch
— Keisha Keenleyside
What the hell am I doing ... ? Escape holding myself as a hostage ... ? I won't be able to make it like that ...
— Tsugumi Ohba
Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.
— Habeeb Akande
You look like a hot tamale.""That's not really a compliment. — Simone Elkeles
She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven't done in years - barnyard sounds.
— Simone Elkeles
Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day?
— J.R.R. Tolkien
It's always funny until someone loses a testicle.
— Bob N. Boguslavski
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
That's right, you get him, Mary. Don't let him change the subject!
— Alexandra Bracken
Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.
— Zane Stumpo
Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?
— Hannah Harrington
What's with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.""I suspect I am a hooligan. — Simone Elkeles
A funny yet interesting read, Will Self knowa his stuff and must do a lot of deep research.
— Will Self
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
— Thabang Gideon Magaola
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter ... with alliteration, no less!
— E.A. Bucchianeri
Does Playboy still run fiction?""I have absolutely no idea, Melinda," he said, grinning. — Robyn Carr
Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain.
— Ivan Stoikov
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know any sad songs. Except for the funny ones.
— Richard Powers
She has to agree to have me. It could take some time, but I'm confident I can trick her into it.
— Robyn Carr
What the hell was she doing on the nonhostage side of a handgun?
— Suzanne Brockmann
Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.
— Huntley Fitzpatrick
The lot of the brideto be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten. — Roman Payne
You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far.
— Libba Bray
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
— Jonathan Tropper
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back
— Rodney Dangerfield
He'd done it like he did everything else - with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.
— Kaylea Cross
You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.
— S.A. Tawks
Fat people are funny ... until obesity pays your loved one a visit.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.
— Jerome K. Jerome
I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.
— Huntley Fitzpatrick
If water was beer I'd be a teetotaler
— Benny Bellamacina
Whoa, who was that?""Madison Stone," Kiara mutters.
"Introduce me to her."
"Why?"
Because I know it'll annoy the shit out of you. — Simone Elkeles
You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Data is your Beta...
— Kshitij Bhatia
Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.
— Leah Broadby
