Funny Humor Humour Quotes: top 83 famous quotes about Funny Humor Humour

Funny Humor Humour Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Humor Humour quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Maruman does not loll. — Isobelle Carmody

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. — S. Walden

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV? — Bruce Coville

She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it. — Kayti McGee

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. — J.M. Barrie

Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead. — John Bellairs

HECKLER: Say something funny!
COMEDIAN: I don't do requests. — J. Ross Clara

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait. — Jess C. Scott

Does everyone collectively dislike beetroots? I feel like they do. — Harry Styles

I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know. — Cassandra Clare

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off. — J.A. Saare

Inconvenience in progress, work is regretted. — Aravind Adiga

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger. — Derek Landy

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it. — Alan Coren

People are writing post-apocalyptic fiction like there's no tomorrow! — Cassandra Page

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail. — Sophie Kinsella

Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick. — Libba Bray

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive. — E.A. Bucchianeri

In life, more than in anything else, it isn't easy to end up alive. — Roman Payne

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food". — Carla H. Krueger

If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth — J.A. Saare

Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne

She bared her teeth at me. "Screw you, shifter!"
"Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my bones just a second ago. — Cori Moore

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation. — John Buchan

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all. — Jimmy Carr

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. — Jackson Radcliffe

I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman! — C. JoyBell C.

He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam) — Noel Gallagher

Was it my fault that I got out of hand?
--Loki — Joanne Harris

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren't much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep. — Leonie Swann

The easiest way to make money is to be funny. The easiest way to be regarded as funny is to have money. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

No one messes around with a nerd's computer and escapes unscathed. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy. — Diana Rowland

Clouds are high flying Fog — Gaurav Rao

Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist ! — Gaurav Rao

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden. — Spike Milligan

The human body is the best work of art. — Jess C. Scott

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? — Jess C. Scott

Our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag. — Ann Somerville

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! — Christina Scalise

If water was beer I'd be a teetotaler — Benny Bellamacina

It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral. — Stephen Herfst

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back — Rodney Dangerfield

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines. — S.A. Tawks

Fat people are funny ... until obesity pays your loved one a visit. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. — Libba Bray

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero. — Gaurav Rao

Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You put cow dung on my face?' 'Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? — Renita D'Silva

Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter ... with alliteration, no less! — E.A. Bucchianeri

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. — Zane Stumpo

Don't worry about Sian," Louisa said, "things will get better."
"What, she'll stop hitting me?"
"No, but you'll stop bruising so easily. — Dylan Perry

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The lot of the bride
to be wed before bed
desired until rotten.
The lot of the author
to be read before bed
admired then forgotten. — Roman Payne

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave. — Leah Broadby

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. — Jack Handy

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Thought for the day: Twitter ... 140 character limit ... must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers ... — E.A. Bucchianeri

Silas consumed only one food, and it was not bananas. — Neil Gaiman

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. — Elizabeth Eulberg

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore. — James Hetfield

You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning! — Cory Doctorow

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd. — E.A. Bucchianeri

I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset. — Hannah Harrington

Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Who is Incredible Hulk ?
..A monster man who took "Go Green" too seriously. — Gaurav Rao

Hmmm ... that's interesting."
"What?"
"There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun. — Derek Landy

Christopher Columbus — Louisa May Alcott

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch — Keisha Keenleyside

It's always funny until someone loses a testicle. — Bob N. Boguslavski

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana