Funny House Quotes: top 57 famous quotes about Funny House

Funny House Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny House quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

You Sure this is it?" I said. "It looks empty."
"Empty? No way, there's loads of shit in there," worm replied — Ransom Riggs

...Neferet fell smack on her butt. — P.C. Cast

As soon as I arrive at the house, Laurie starts running, hits my chest, knocks me down, and licks my face. It's become a family ritual. — Beverly Sills

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever wanted to leave our house. — Anthony Anderson

I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house ... — Daniel Tosh

I do not think, Prospero,' he said, 'that one should attribute a very high degree of reality to your house. — John Bellairs

I don't really leave my house too much, 'cause I don't like ... it's funny, I don't really like to be high and famous at the same time. — Mac Miller

Do try The House by fresh new author, Susannah Mansfield, it's funny, sad and very different, you'll love the characters and the stories. — Susannah Mansfield

The house of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most of its members. — Herbert Samuel, 1st Viscount Samuel

Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?"
"A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes. — Kresley Cole

I've been thinking of installing a train in my house. It could bring me shrimp crackers from the kitchen. — Cassandra Clare

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. — Chic Murray

I can never do nothing in this house! — George Lopez

The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone. — Hilary McKay

I'll get it, said Jough in his man-of-the-house voice, a full octave lower than his regular voice. — Cuthbert Soup

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"! — Rodney Dangerfield

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please. — Henny Youngman

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!" — Mitch Hedberg

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. — Steven Wright

That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or wife. — Moby

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the White House. — Adlai Stevenson

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95. — Chris Rock

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it — Jimmy Carr

'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said. — Evelyn Waugh

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house. — George Lopez

All pomp and show." Anjali's glare at the house would've exploded bricks if she'd had superhuman powers. "A fat cow needs a big barn. — Nicola Marsh

I thought it would be funny to take a photo in the White House bathroom, I take pictures everywhere I go, but I don't think I can top that one. — John Legend

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back. — Chic Murray

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open. — Steven Wright

The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's cat shot right out. — Scott Wood

Sammy: "How do you comb your hair so the horns don't show?"
Cain: "Don't mind her. A house just fell on her sister. — Kelly Moran

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above ... so I never have to go upstairs. — Steven Wright

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' — Richard Branson

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness". — Tim Vine

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons. — Chic Murray

The Bible talks about building houses on sand and rock, but says nothing about a brick house built on a blanket. — Nicole McKay

When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together! — Louis Tomlinson

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!' — Chris Rock

Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy? — Hannah Harrington

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary. — Honore De Balzac

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That's a step too far. — Libba Bray

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas ... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do! — Lisa Lampanelli

My Scottie refused to go for a walk with a friend of the house, but she would joyously accompany any stranger who drove a car. — Mazo De La Roche

If the retreat house was a trap, it was a very nice one. — Elizabeth Hand

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. — Steven Wright

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house? — Ljupka Cvetanova

I smelled barbecue before I reached the house, and that made me madder than ever, because I really love barbecue. — Rick Riordan

I've been very luckily - I bought a house, I work, my life's been very blessed. I thought it would be funny to exaggerate the non-working side. — Simon Rex

I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. — Mary-Kate Olsen

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. — Bob Monkhouse

Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder. — Simone Elkeles

Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! — Dylan Moran

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. — W.C. Fields

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat. — Adam Rex

You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!". — Bill Engvall

I never leave my house. Then I don't have to put a bra on, and I don't have to change my pants. — Jennifer Lawrence