Funny God Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny God
Funny God Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny God quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
— Bill Bailey
God turned out to be a bunch of bad little kids playing interstellar Xbox. Isn't that funny?
— Stephen King
Oh my God, Green," I heard Chubs say from somewhere in the room. "Just take the damn socksand put the kid out of his misery. — Alexandra Bracken
My "Christianity" was once again just the American religion of work hard, do good, feel good, and maybe God will say, "We good.
— Jefferson Bethke
The more you complain the longer God lets you live
— Bertrand Russell
When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.
— Jennifer Crusie
It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious, but when he talks to you, you're a psychopath.
— Peter Steele
If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I'd have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage.
— Carl Hiaasen
The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent
— Tennessee Williams
I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.
— George Burns
What really irks me is the snide victimizing suggestion from some that I have tried to be lighthearted and funny ... Oh my God - this is so offensive.
— Michael Leunig
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
— George Carlin
Oh, God, if I'm anything by a clinical name, I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I think people are plotting to make me happy.
— J.D. Salinger
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes ... dies.
— George Carlin
In God we trust, all others pay cash.
— Margaret Atwood
Oh my god, I am a banana.
— John Green
A mother is the best friend God ever gave.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
Thank God for machines. They can make a dog sing!
— Christopher Atkins
Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the hallway.
— Nicky Gumbel
Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing. Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout
I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me.
— Tracy Morgan
Why doesn't Santa just park the god-damn sleigh in the driveway like a normal guest? (Your Temporary Santa)
— David Levithan
Funny thing about prayers. God hears them. But you just never know if, when, or how He's going to answer them.
— Becky Wade
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks.
— William Orlando Darby
Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God').
— Anthony Sampson
My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
— Ali Shariati
I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.
— Daniel Tosh
I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'
— Demetri Martin
My God, no wonder people like being tied up.
— Cherise Sinclair
Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!" Dee shrieked. "My eyes!
— Jennifer L. Armentrout
Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.
— Solange Nicole
Isn't it funny that if God were to reveal and explain Himself, the majority of the world would necessarily be disappointed?
— Jonathan Safran Foer
Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
— Madonna Ciccone
They said something funny. They said, 'Even God leaves on the last boat from Nome.' What does that mean?
— Marcus Sedgwick
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.
— Judy Blume
I do not miss ITV, God no! Have you seen ITV lately?
— Cilla Black
The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.
— Alfred De Vigny
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
— Henny Youngman
Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly.
— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott
Underwear. It's like a god damned leash. It also constantly reminds me of how funny I look naked.
— Pete Wentz
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'
— Ellen DeGeneres
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Happiness held is the beginning; happiness shared is the blossom
— Abhysheq Shukla
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.
— Sarah Silverman
A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say " Oh My God", the only difference is how they pronounce it.
— M.F. Moonzajer
God' is a funny word, it implies omnipotence and omniscience. Let me assure, I am neither.
— Brian McClellan
It's funny how aimless a person can feel at times, even when they know God is in control.
— Chris Fabry
The only person who worries about my mother is God, and that's only because she wants His job.
— Sue Civil-Brown
I thank God daily for the good fortune of my birth, for I am certain I would have made a miserable peasant.
— C.S. Forester
Funny ... I still can't believe in God." "Does that matter now?" ... "He believes in you.
— A.J. Cronin
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
— Oliver Markus
It's funny how the closer you get to God, the more you realize how far you are from Him.
— Mark Hart
Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.
— Gary Hopkins
Archbishop: "God is with us!"William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!
We are victorious! — Arash Pakravesh
I may not beleive in God, but I believe in guilt and no one wants to dick around with eternity, even if it isn't there.
— Jonathan Tropper
Satisfaction is not the achievement of what we want, but the awareness of what we have.
— Abhysheq Shukla
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
— Naguib Mahfouz
If there is a god maybe it rewards those who don't believe on the basis of insufficient evidenceand punishes those who do. — Peter Boghossian
Funny how God offers you everything you've asked for, only to force you to turn it away.
— Sunjeev Sahota
Moms are so hard to understand! They'll never allow us to go on diet for fitness but forcefully make us fast in the name of God!~Swapna Rajput~ — Swapna Rajput
I think God has a sense of humor, and the way my lessons come from God is very funny. I have to laugh at myself even if it's a tough lesson.
— Yvette Nicole Brown
Oh God, Oh God we're all gonna die doesn't really fit the definition of banter, now does it?
— Lilith Saintcrow
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
— Zach Galifianakis
Oh, god ... " I whimper. "I haven't done anything yet, baby," Colton growls. "I know," I pant. "I was just saying your name.
— Jasinda Wilder
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
— Bill Bailey
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
— Bill Bailey
I always thought of this as God's country.
— Jack Granatstein
God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.
— Anthony Jeselnik
You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.
— Lois Greiman
I don't believe in God, don't believe in the devil. Unless you want to count my mother. She might be Satan's sister, I suppose.
— Ellen Hopkins
Mr. Monogamy doesn't find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I'd have to chuck it all and join a monastery.
— Kim Cormack
I threatened to kung fu you. Oh my God.
— Jill Shalvis
