Funny Death Quotes: top 88 famous quotes about Funny Death

Funny Death Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Death quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck. — Bree Despain

Okay okay, hold your people," she told the big horse as she started walking.
"You're not going to starve to death any time soon you know. — Kate Lattey

What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I will kill you. — Jackson Lanzing

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

Funny how gentle people get with you once you're dead. — William Holden

You know, darkness is a funny thing. Little by little, it creeps up on you and before you know it, you can't escape it — Mackie Burt

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? — Doug Stanhope

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. — Julia Sweeney

Life is a near-death experience. — George Carlin

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world? — Christy Leigh Stewart

It's mighty funny. The end of time has just begun. — Bob Dylan

At the end to death I must go,
Finishing a real tragic and funny show. — Mohit K. Misra

If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final. — Cyndi Lauper

He can be lethal death. — Jerry Coleman

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one's bowels.

Painful change just takes time. — Jessica Watts

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers. — Rudyard Kipling

There are children in Africa, starving to death, and you don't hear them whinging. — Tim Minchin

Hyperbolic statements will be the death of us all — William McGregor Robson

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it. — Alice Walker

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively. — Donna Leon

I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny. — Dane Cook

Someone wanted to choke me to death on my own hair? — K.J. Charles

Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered. — Victor J. Stenger

Rick to Herschel: My wife is pregnant. That is either a gift here, or a death sentence out there. — The Walking Dead

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen. — Holly Hood

We losers don't fear death. For us it's the end of a lifelong losing spell. — Dakota Dawn

I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me. — F Scott Fitzgerald

Death from the skies! — Ransom Riggs

What exactly constitutes an emergency in a modelling agency? Two girls fighting to death with a hair straightener? — Kate Forster

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. — Sam Levenson

And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way. — Eddie Izzard

...Loretta threatened to beat him to death with a wooden spoon... — Joel N. Ross

In life, more than in anything else, it isn't easy to end up alive. — Roman Payne

Christ has not only spoken to us by his life but has also spoken for us by his death. — Soren Kierkegaard

Well, life is dark, isn't it? Mostly, it's dreadful. At the same time, death is funny too. I mean, look at the fuss we make of it. — Upamanyu Chatterjee

Death is a funny thing. Not funny haha, like a Woody Allen movie, but funny strange, like a Woody Allen marriage. — Norm MacDonald

This is the way I want to die. Torn apart by angry fans who want me to play a different song. — Regina Spektor

We tend to get a little information before we off people. It's not a play by ear sort of deal. — Holly Hood

Death is complicated."

-Johann Kraus — John Arcudi

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. — Terry Pratchett

Man is born for uprightness. If a man lose his uprightness and yet live, his escape from death is mere good fortune. — Confucius

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life. — Bauvard

Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia. — Mervyn Peake

Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul. — William Archibald Spooner

You both talk too much," the kid says. "Shut up. Don't make me tell you again."
We shut up, which I find hysterically funny. — Karen Marie Moning

Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. — Maureen Johnson

Nothing is impossible to kill. It's just that sometimes after you kill something you have to keep shooting it until it stops moving — Mira Grant

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track. — Erin Mitchell

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death. — Ernest Hemingway,

There's a saying, isn't there, that when you've had a near death experience, all you want to do is have sex? — Kirsty Greenwood

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? — George Carlin

I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better. — Kevin Durant

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead, you're made for life. — Jimi Hendrix

Life and death played out before my very eyes.
You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly. — Joan Bauer

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

While you are not able to serve men, how can you serve spirits of the dead ... While you do not know life, how can you know about death — Confucius

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it. — Francine Pascal

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials — Ann Everett

Still, the painful death of that unicorn had been satisfying to watch — Bruce Coville

Death isn't funny."
"Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it. — Robert A. Heinlein

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. — Isaac Asimov

The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective. — James Patterson

I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub — Charles Bukowski

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor. — Bauvard

I played in a death-metal band. People either loved us or hated us. Or they thought we were OK. — Mitch Hedberg

Some things in life are certain; death, taxes, and that your family will piss you off. — Melanie Finn

I do know this: When somebody has to look great on the screen, that's the death of funny. — Peter Farrelly

In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music. — Orson Scott Card

Funny how everything can change in an instant. From death to life. From empty to full. From darkness to light. — Megan Miranda

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching. — Katie Graykowski

Ohh, how clever," Aden said and clapped. "A death threat. You know what's funny? That's not even my first of the day. — Gena Showalter

Possibility of enjoying life makes death feel terrible. — Santosh Kalwar

Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death. — Jeevagan Nagarajan

Sexton: I think the whole world's gone mad.
Death: Uh-uh. It's always like this. You probably just don't get out enough. — Neil Gaiman

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way — Ali Shariati

Text messages are dying a funny kind of death. — Anonymous

Falling in love and falling to your death feel about the same, I thought. And I almost laughed. — Shannon Hale

Nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny. — Curtis Sittenfeld

Death is funny, when you think about it. Everybody does it, but nobody knows how, exactly how. — Laurie Halse Anderson

Oh God, Oh God we're all gonna die doesn't really fit the definition of banter, now does it? — Lilith Saintcrow

If I go back home to Wittenberg, I'll lie down in a coffin and give the maggots a fat doctor to eat. — Martin Luther

Are you okay?" I (Cassie) call up to him.
"Um. Define okay." (Ben)
"Okay means you're not bleeding to death."
"I'm okay. — Rick Yancey

If I get killed, put my boots back on me. — John Sandford

Death isn't a funny thing. We're all lucky to be living. — Pauly Shore

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death — John Oliver

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo