Funny Ask Quotes: top 51 famous quotes about Funny Ask

Funny Ask Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Ask quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Funny Ask Quotes By Steven Wright: When I get real bored, I like to

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. — Steven Wright

Funny Ask Quotes By Robert Breault: As I may or may not say to

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do" — Robert Breault

Funny Ask Quotes By Adam Ferrara: Being in a relationship is like being in

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

Funny Ask Quotes By Richard Russo: People often ask me how I make things

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny. — Richard Russo

Funny Ask Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: People ask me for my autograph after a

People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something. — Mitch Hedberg

Funny Ask Quotes By Stephanie McAfee: Wishing he'd...get the hell out the door before

Wishing he'd...get the hell out the door before I do something crazy like ask him to whip out his goober. — Stephanie McAfee

Funny Ask Quotes By Rudyard Kipling: - and you'll remember, when they ask you

- and you'll remember, when they ask you your religion, that you're a Cath'lic. Better say Roman Cath'lic, tho' I'm not fond of the word. — Rudyard Kipling

Funny Ask Quotes By Carrie Jones: She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little

She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask. — Carrie Jones

Funny Ask Quotes By M.F. Moonzajer: Isn't it funny? You forgive people before they

Isn't it funny? You forgive people before they ask forgiveness. Later they expect your apologize. — M.F. Moonzajer

Funny Ask Quotes By Kai Greene: I do like to believe there is no

I do like to believe there is no stupid and or funny question because in fact if we don't ask than we don't learn. — Kai Greene

Funny Ask Quotes By R.R. Virdi: There was a part of my brain that

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. — R.R. Virdi

Funny Ask Quotes By Liz Czukas: It's just ... how do I put this?

It's just ... how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find. — Liz Czukas

Funny Ask Quotes By Dave Attell: You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?'

You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation. — Dave Attell

Funny Ask Quotes By Red Skelton: Any kid will run any errand for you,

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. — Red Skelton

Funny Ask Quotes By Stephen Wright: A lot of people ask me if I

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, How to Build a Boat. — Stephen Wright

Funny Ask Quotes By Nick Harkaway: If you ask who I aspire to, well,

If you ask who I aspire to, well, if a single line of mine was as funny as P. G. Wodehouse can be, that would be great. — Nick Harkaway

Funny Ask Quotes By Mackenzie Rosman: I don't know what I want to be

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's funny - people ask me that, and I don't know what to tell them. — Mackenzie Rosman

Funny Ask Quotes By March McCarron: What shall we do now?" he asked."Something very

What shall we do now?" he asked.
"Something very dreadful," she said,her voice sour."Ask Arlow Bowlerham for the name of a dressmaker. — March McCarron

Funny Ask Quotes By David C. Holley: Word of advice - never ask a terrorist

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'. — David C. Holley

Funny Ask Quotes By Anna White: Now I know this is going to seem

Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to sit still, or I'll put you in the trunk. — Anna White

Funny Ask Quotes By Dan Thompson: During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson

Funny Ask Quotes By Al Yankovic: People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?' — Al Yankovic

Funny Ask Quotes By Dakota Cassidy: [Ella] "Again, I ask, whose side are you

[Ella] "Again, I ask, whose side are you on?"
[Lola] "The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party. — Dakota Cassidy

Funny Ask Quotes By Ellen DeGeneres: People always ask me, 'Were you funny as

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. — Ellen DeGeneres

Funny Ask Quotes By Amit Kalantri: When someone gives you advice, just ask them

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

Funny Ask Quotes By Yongey Mingyur: The funny thing about the mind is that

The funny thing about the mind is that if you ask a question and then listen quietly, the answer usually appears. — Yongey Mingyur

Funny Ask Quotes By Barbara Seaman: Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo,

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. — Barbara Seaman

Funny Ask Quotes By Anna Zaires: Thanks, Marisa. You're the best sister a girl

Thanks, Marisa. You're the best sister a girl can ask for," Mia told her sincerely.
"I know--and very modest too. — Anna Zaires

Funny Ask Quotes By Edgar Fiedler: Ask five economists and you'll get five different

Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard. — Edgar Fiedler

Funny Ask Quotes By Bo Burnham: People ask me all the time, ALL the

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?' — Bo Burnham

Funny Ask Quotes By Frankie Boyle: Let me ask you a question. How long

Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11. — Frankie Boyle

Funny Ask Quotes By Francois Lelord: You must be careful when you ask people

You must be careful when you ask people whether they're happy; it's a question that can upset them a great deal. — Francois Lelord

Funny Ask Quotes By Steven Wright: Why do psychics have to ask you for

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? — Steven Wright

Funny Ask Quotes By Tim Heaton: Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask. — Tim Heaton

Funny Ask Quotes By Doug MacLeod: Are you sure this is a good idea?'

Are you sure this is a good idea?' I ask.
'No,' says Amber. 'Let's do it. — Doug MacLeod

Funny Ask Quotes By Lucille Clifton: Children when they ask you why your mama

Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton

Funny Ask Quotes By Roger Von Oech: Here's my advice: Go ahead and be whacky.

Here's my advice: Go ahead and be whacky. Get into a crazy frame of mind and ask what's funny about what you're doing. — Roger Von Oech

Funny Ask Quotes By Warren Buffett: You don't ever ask a barber whether you

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut. — Warren Buffett

Funny Ask Quotes By Henny Youngman: A Jewish man pulls up to the curb

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!" — Henny Youngman

Funny Ask Quotes By Jane Wyman: Ask him what time it is and he'll

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made. — Jane Wyman

Funny Ask Quotes By Mark Billingham: I wanted to write at school - to

I wanted to write at school - to write funny stories which the teacher might ask me to read out to the class. It's all basically about showing off. — Mark Billingham

Funny Ask Quotes By Carl Friedrich Gauss: Ask her to wait a moment I am

Ask her to wait a moment I am almost done. — Carl Friedrich Gauss

Funny Ask Quotes By Andrea Speed: Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

Funny Ask Quotes By Nisi Shawl: You funny thing! So selfish, so practical. Never

You funny thing! So selfish, so practical. Never mind. I will not ask you to kill me, for you would surely find it an annoying task. — Nisi Shawl

Funny Ask Quotes By Eoin Colfer: I did what all good Iriah dads do

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! — Eoin Colfer

Funny Ask Quotes By Michael Jackson: Never ask for 'a beer.'

Never ask for 'a beer.' — Michael Jackson

Funny Ask Quotes By Ashish Chauhan: When asked "If you could meet any famous

When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive again when I meet them. — Ashish Chauhan

Funny Ask Quotes By Shannon K. Butcher: Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask.

Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go. — Shannon K. Butcher

Funny Ask Quotes By Mariana Zapata: What did you want me to do? Ask

What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata

Funny Ask Quotes By Aditi Mathur Kumar: What is about Army uniforms? Especially combats. They

What is about Army uniforms? Especially combats. They are just drool-worthy, if you ask me. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

Funny Ask Quotes By G.A. Aiken: Kill first, ask questions of the corpse later

Kill first, ask questions of the corpse later — G.A. Aiken