Funny Ask Quotes: top 51 famous quotes about Funny Ask

Funny Ask Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Ask quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. — Steven Wright

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do" — Robert Breault

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny. — Richard Russo

People ask me for my autograph after a show. I'm not famous, I think they're messing with me. I think they're trying to make me late for something. — Mitch Hedberg

Wishing he'd...get the hell out the door before I do something crazy like ask him to whip out his goober. — Stephanie McAfee

- and you'll remember, when they ask you your religion, that you're a Cath'lic. Better say Roman Cath'lic, tho' I'm not fond of the word. — Rudyard Kipling

She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?"
"Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask. — Carrie Jones

Isn't it funny? You forgive people before they ask forgiveness. Later they expect your apologize. — M.F. Moonzajer

I do like to believe there is no stupid and or funny question because in fact if we don't ask than we don't learn. — Kai Greene

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. — R.R. Virdi

It's just ... how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find. — Liz Czukas

You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation. — Dave Attell

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. — Red Skelton

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, How to Build a Boat. — Stephen Wright

If you ask who I aspire to, well, if a single line of mine was as funny as P. G. Wodehouse can be, that would be great. — Nick Harkaway

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's funny - people ask me that, and I don't know what to tell them. — Mackenzie Rosman

What shall we do now?" he asked.
"Something very dreadful," she said,her voice sour."Ask Arlow Bowlerham for the name of a dressmaker. — March McCarron

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'. — David C. Holley

Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to sit still, or I'll put you in the trunk. — Anna White

During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?' — Al Yankovic

[Ella] "Again, I ask, whose side are you on?"
[Lola] "The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party. — Dakota Cassidy

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. — Ellen DeGeneres

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

The funny thing about the mind is that if you ask a question and then listen quietly, the answer usually appears. — Yongey Mingyur

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. — Barbara Seaman

Thanks, Marisa. You're the best sister a girl can ask for," Mia told her sincerely.
"I know--and very modest too. — Anna Zaires

Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers - six if one went to Harvard. — Edgar Fiedler

People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?' — Bo Burnham

Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11. — Frankie Boyle

You must be careful when you ask people whether they're happy; it's a question that can upset them a great deal. — Francois Lelord

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? — Steven Wright

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask. — Tim Heaton

Are you sure this is a good idea?' I ask.
'No,' says Amber. 'Let's do it. — Doug MacLeod

Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense — Lucille Clifton

Here's my advice: Go ahead and be whacky. Get into a crazy frame of mind and ask what's funny about what you're doing. — Roger Von Oech

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut. — Warren Buffett

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!" — Henny Youngman

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made. — Jane Wyman

I wanted to write at school - to write funny stories which the teacher might ask me to read out to the class. It's all basically about showing off. — Mark Billingham

Ask her to wait a moment I am almost done. — Carl Friedrich Gauss

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

You funny thing! So selfish, so practical. Never mind. I will not ask you to kill me, for you would surely find it an annoying task. — Nisi Shawl

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! — Eoin Colfer

Never ask for 'a beer.' — Michael Jackson

When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive again when I meet them. — Ashish Chauhan

Brooke?" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here?"
"I need a gun."
This was not how his dream was supposed to go. — Shannon K. Butcher

What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata

What is about Army uniforms? Especially combats. They are just drool-worthy, if you ask me. — Aditi Mathur Kumar

Kill first, ask questions of the corpse later — G.A. Aiken