Funny American Quotes: top 32 famous quotes about Funny American

Funny American Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny American quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream. — Natasha Leggero

My "Christianity" was once again just the American religion of work hard, do good, feel good, and maybe God will say, "We good. — Jefferson Bethke

I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat. — Art Donovan

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. — Dave Moulton

There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home. — Stephen Colbert

Positiveness is a most absurd foible. If you are in the right, it lessens your triumph; if in the wrong, it adds shame to your defeat. — Laurence Sterne

The book of Revelation says that we no longer need the sun or the moon, for Christ is the light of the world. — Tim LaHaye

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. — George Carlin

I was a little bit ashamed of American TV because I thought, 'None of the shows my father works on are as funny as my father.' — Joss Whedon

Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence. — Mie Hansson

I can't watch American Idol ... it's like karaoke without the booze. — Tracy Morgan

The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European. — Phil Neville

Jake Johnson wanted to make clear that he was the great American actor, not just the funny guy on 'New Girl.' — Colin Trevorrow

Webster said, 'Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. — Peter Matthiessen

I love not being in a comfortable state, anyway. That makes for much more interesting storylines and an interesting story. — Katheryn Winnick

if you want to be a great writer, you have to be a greed reader. — Imelda Akmal

I know jazz is completely un-American. But the reason why America doesn't like it is because it's not funny. We [americans] have made jazz funny. — Paul Provenza

The American's head are on their chins a little bit at the moment — Ron Pickering

Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing. — Steve Martin

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. — Ruby Wax

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11." — Zach Galifianakis

Ah, mon cher, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful. — Albert Camus

The American Dream is not to own your own home, but to get your kids out of it. — Dick Armey

Remove yourself, sir! — David McCullough

But sometimes when I hear people quote the Bible, I just want to throw up. — Rob Bell

Fury itself supplies arms. — Virgil

American comedies about Asians have never been funny to me. That always kind of pissed me off. — Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

I have to return some videotapes — Bret Easton Ellis

Whenever I'm in the U.K., people say I have an American accent. Which is, obviously, funny. — Zedd

Burroughs's voice is hard, derisive, inventive, free, funny, serious, poetic, indelibly American. — Joan Didion

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it. — Bill Bailey

Don't waste your energy trying to convince people to understand you. Your time is too valuable to try to prove yourself to people. — Joel Osteen