Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes: top 31 famous quotes about Ex Girlfriend Funny

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Ex Girlfriend Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By John Green: You will not kill my girlfriend today, International

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By S. Walden: Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. — S. Walden

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Daniel Tosh: You know your girlfriend is too young when

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary. — Daniel Tosh

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Jimmy Carr: My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." — Jimmy Carr

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Kristen Schaal: Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me?

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well ... she's got eyes. — Kristen Schaal

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Adam Ferrara: I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong.

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. — Adam Ferrara

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Jimmy Carr: I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. — Jimmy Carr

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Dave Attell: I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know

I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. — Dave Attell

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Anthony Jeselnik: My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Erin McCahan: Are there days when you find life terribly

Are there days when you find life terribly confusing?

Only when I have a girlfriend. — Erin McCahan

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Bo Burnham: I'm a stand up comic and I always

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Eugene Ormandy: Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever

Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever you want to. — Eugene Ormandy

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Jimmy Carr: Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Steve Coogan: I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net! — Steve Coogan

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Steven Wright: I'd like to sing you a song now

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring." — Steven Wright

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Susan Mallery: To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said,

To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king. — Susan Mallery

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Daniel Tosh: I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I

I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. — Daniel Tosh

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Moby: That is not all I need. I need

That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or wife. — Moby

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: I've never been to a hotel with a

I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito. — Mitch Hedberg

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By M.F. Moonzajer: We all men want a bad girl friend,

We all men want a bad girl friend, but a good wife. — M.F. Moonzajer

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. — Mitch Hedberg

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Billy Connolly: A mate of mine has just told me

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!" — Billy Connolly

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Robbie Amell: My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all.

My girlfriend doesn't think I'm funny at all. — Robbie Amell

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Linda Kozlowski: After 'Crocodile Dundee,' I turned down lots of

After 'Crocodile Dundee,' I turned down lots of stuff, most of it where I'd play the girlfriend of some funny man. — Linda Kozlowski

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Frankie Boyle: I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. — Frankie Boyle

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Aristotle.: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Aristotle.

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield: And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! — Rodney Dangerfield

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield: During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Adam Ferrara: My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Stacey Wallace Benefiel: Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend

Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her. — Stacey Wallace Benefiel

Ex Girlfriend Funny Quotes By Simone Elkeles: Cause if you were my girlfriend and a

Cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin' in your house, I'd kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder. — Simone Elkeles