Erma Bombeck Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Erma Bombeck quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?
— Erma Bombeck
Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
— Erma Bombeck
Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'
— Erma Bombeck
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
— Erma Bombeck
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
— Erma Bombeck
When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.
— Erma Bombeck
One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.
— Erma Bombeck
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
— Erma Bombeck
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night ...
— Erma Bombeck
What makes people laugh? ... It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.
— Erma Bombeck
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
— Erma Bombeck
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
— Erma Bombeck
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.
— Erma Bombeck
It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.
— Erma Bombeck
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby ...
— Erma Bombeck
When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
— Erma Bombeck
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
— Erma Bombeck
A small waist makes you tire easily.
— Erma Bombeck
Laugh now, cry later.
— Erma Bombeck
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
— Erma Bombeck
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.
— Erma Bombeck
When humor go's, there go's civilization.
— Erma Bombeck
There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.
— Erma Bombeck
Every puppy should have a boy.
— Erma Bombeck
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
— Erma Bombeck
I used everything you gave me.
— Erma Bombeck
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
— Erma Bombeck
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
— Erma Bombeck
It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
— Erma Bombeck
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
— Erma Bombeck
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
— Erma Bombeck
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
— Erma Bombeck
I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.
— Erma Bombeck
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
— Erma Bombeck
If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?
— Erma Bombeck
![Erma Bombeck Quotes By Erma Bombeck: [On her father's death:] I didn't know his](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/erma-bombeck-quotes-by-erma-bombeck-209499.jpg "Erma Bombeck Quotes By Erma Bombeck: [On her father's death:] I didn't know his")
No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
— Erma Bombeck
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
— Erma Bombeck
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
— Erma Bombeck
Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.
— Erma Bombeck
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
— Erma Bombeck
Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.
— Erma Bombeck
My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.
— Erma Bombeck
Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.
— Erma Bombeck
Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.
— Erma Bombeck
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
— Erma Bombeck
People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
— Erma Bombeck
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
— Erma Bombeck
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
— Erma Bombeck
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
— Erma Bombeck
She's as funny as a toothache
— Erma Bombeck
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
— Erma Bombeck
A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room.
— Erma Bombeck
Do I have to use my own money?
— Erma Bombeck
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
— Erma Bombeck
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
— Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
— Erma Bombeck
Children make your life important.
— Erma Bombeck
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.
— Erma Bombeck
The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.
— Erma Bombeck
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.
— Erma Bombeck
God created man, but I could do better.
— Erma Bombeck
Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.
— Erma Bombeck
Success is outliving your failures
— Erma Bombeck
Never order food in excess of your body weight.
— Erma Bombeck
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
— Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
— Erma Bombeck
No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.
— Erma Bombeck
Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.
— Erma Bombeck
I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.
— Erma Bombeck
