Erma Bombeck Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Erma Bombeck quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop? — Erma Bombeck

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. — Erma Bombeck

I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat. — Erma Bombeck

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?' — Erma Bombeck

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. — Erma Bombeck

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky. — Erma Bombeck

I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be. — Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. — Erma Bombeck

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. — Erma Bombeck

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. - Erma Bombeck — Lynn Kellan

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten. — Erma Bombeck

One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone. — Erma Bombeck

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. — Erma Bombeck

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. — Erma Bombeck

Never accept a drink from a urologist. — Erma Bombeck

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. — Erma Bombeck

I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment. — Erma Bombeck

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night ... — Erma Bombeck

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. — Erma Bombeck

What makes people laugh? ... It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. — Erma Bombeck

Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body. — Erma Bombeck

The grass is always greener over the septic tank. — Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. — Erma Bombeck

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species. — Erma Bombeck

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football. — Erma Bombeck

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby ... — Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. — Erma Bombeck

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies. — Erma Bombeck

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck

A small waist makes you tire easily. — Erma Bombeck

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine. — Erma Bombeck

Laugh now, cry later. — Erma Bombeck

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. — Erma Bombeck

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. — Erma Bombeck

When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later. — Erma Bombeck

When humor go's, there go's civilization. — Erma Bombeck

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids. — Erma Bombeck

Every puppy should have a boy. — Erma Bombeck

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket. — Erma Bombeck

A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up. — Erma Bombeck

I used everything you gave me. — Erma Bombeck

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. — Erma Bombeck

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. — Erma Bombeck

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. — Erma Bombeck

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style. — Erma Bombeck

Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth! — Erma Bombeck

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan. — Erma Bombeck

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, Never mind! I'll do it myself. — Erma Bombeck

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair. — Erma Bombeck

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. — Erma Bombeck

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. — Erma Bombeck

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer. — Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. — Erma Bombeck

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food — Erma Bombeck

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each. — Erma Bombeck

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service. — Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. — Erma Bombeck

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? — Erma Bombeck

[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much. — Erma Bombeck

No One Diets on Thanksgiving. — Erma Bombeck

When humor goes, there goes civilization. — Erma Bombeck

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. — Erma Bombeck

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. — Erma Bombeck

Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids. — Erma Bombeck

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. — Erma Bombeck

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. — Erma Bombeck

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. — Erma Bombeck

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede. — Erma Bombeck

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water. — Erma Bombeck

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back. — Erma Bombeck

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. — Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. — Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. — Erma Bombeck

There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast. — Erma Bombeck

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. — Erma Bombeck

She's as funny as a toothache — Erma Bombeck

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. — Erma Bombeck

A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room. — Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. — Erma Bombeck

Do I have to use my own money? — Erma Bombeck

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. — Erma Bombeck

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. — Erma Bombeck

Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League. — Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. — Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important. — Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. — Erma Bombeck

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. — Erma Bombeck

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. — Erma Bombeck

God created man, but I could do better. — Erma Bombeck

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track? — Erma Bombeck

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna. — Erma Bombeck

Success is outliving your failures — Erma Bombeck

Never order food in excess of your body weight. — Erma Bombeck

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. — Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. — Erma Bombeck

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love. — Erma Bombeck

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence. — Erma Bombeck

I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. — Erma Bombeck

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight. — Erma Bombeck

When a man's got cream in the refrigerator at home, he won't go out looking for two-percent butterfat. — Erma Bombeck