Doug Stanhope Funny Quotes: top 32 famous quotes about Doug Stanhope Funny

Doug Stanhope Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Doug Stanhope Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I don't believe in a government that protects us from ourselves. — Ronald Reagan

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt? — Doug Stanhope

Never adopt an attitude of indifference, for if you do you will suffer for it. The weight will grow heavier and heavier. — Watchman Nee

The life of man is so short that ordinary people simply cannot afford to be born — Halldor Laxness

Three helping one another, beare the burthen of sixe.
[Three helping one another, bear the burden of six.] — George Herbert

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly. — Doug Stanhope

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point. — Doug Stanhope

I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job. — Doug Stanhope

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless. — Doug Stanhope

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny. — Doug Stanhope

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do. — Doug Stanhope

Recipes are overrated. — Jose Andres

That there is a Devil, is a thing doubted by none but such as are under the influences of the Devil. — Cotton Mather

Shooting gives me a good feeling. It is faster than baseball and you are out on one strike. — Ernest Hemingway,

I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet. — Doug Stanhope

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny. — Doug Stanhope

That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet. — Doug Stanhope

There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with. Love shouldn't be one of them. Anything less than extraordinary is a waste of my time. — Jill Robinson

Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating. — Doug Stanhope

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny? — Doug Stanhope

I've just got a new house in Pacific Palisades. It's really cute. — Claire Forlani

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair. — Doug Stanhope

After all my erstwhile dear, my no longer cherished;
Need we say it was not love, just because it perished? — Edna St. Vincent Millay

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. — Doug Stanhope

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. — Doug Stanhope

You are in a position to create wealth not only for yourself but for your children and your children's children. — Ray Nagin

Set your heights more than what you see around you, see beyond. — Anthony Anderson

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. — Mark Twain

it was the night when people got paid and didn't have to work the next day, and so by tradition went out to get drunk and into fights. Then — Iain M. Banks