Dane Cook Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dane Cook quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: It's not for any purpose such as religion,

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: My mother had a lot of phobias. She's

My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I saw a young boy eating an ice

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I have a new saying, what I see

I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: If you use tact you can say anything,

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Every great thing starts with an idea, followed

Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I've lived in LA for so long, I

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: My professional dreams were coming true while I

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Someone needs to make a zombie movie where

Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I don't like when juice wears tights, its

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: When you delete pictures of your ex off

When you delete pictures of your ex off your phone, it feels lighter. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I always wanted to do a B&E. Not

I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm a late-night guy.

I'm a late-night guy. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing

I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You can easily tell if a person is

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: There was a girl I loved in high

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I like fearless characters, people just not afraid

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: When you swear to God, its true ...

When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You can try to steal the thunder all

You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Some people give you that motivation to work

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I feel like people who don't brag are

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: It's hard to be happy for someone when

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.

When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm going to hell, ah ... but you're

I'm going to hell, ah ... but you're laughing, so you're coming. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You know your gut instincts are spot on

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: The little boy inside of all us men

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You can't teach an old hater new truths.

You can't teach an old hater new truths. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm focused on staying as healthy as I

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Trolls look for reasons to hate but really

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I have new ideas every day, and I

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Anger has a way of seeping into every

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You can't become tempted if you just give

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Any guy that refers to dating women as

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I don't hate anyone. I simply block them

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: It really drives me banana sangwich.

It really drives me banana sangwich. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Sometimes, when you want to make a difference

Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: True love is when you're cheating on a

True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile! — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm always going to be someone that people

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break

Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot! — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: That MySpace is the story of the year.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I am an observer, I like to watch

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Here's how you know that you're really drunk:

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: If you live far away from a person

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I was doing comedy in laundry mats in

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You need to open up your soul and

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I just get excited doing shows. Off stage

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith

I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I won't take no for a question.

I won't take no for a question. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a

Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy.

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: It's the worst feeling when you come home

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments

It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: When a guy says "I have no idea

When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you." — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I feel like the gods have certainly patted

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm not racist, I've got a black president.

I'm not racist, I've got a black president. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I never leave a dog alone in a

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Why do bad guys in movies always love

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly? — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I was home educated but would skip my

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements

Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: When I have a really hot date at

When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Video games don't make people go nuts. I

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting

Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Created a word game to play with a

Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry? — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own

I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I've always read books and loved human behavior

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I am going to name a group of

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I can always get better. A lot of

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: There's estrogen running through my veins!

There's estrogen running through my veins! — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Text a guy you like right now, "I'm

Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I was not abandoned as a child. I

I was not abandoned as a child. I left. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone.

What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I was very good at kickball ... I

I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I love singing along to the radio while

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I don't write any of my material down.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Andy Kindler: I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more. — Andy Kindler

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I can smell bullshit from a mile away

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving

I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: People know I have a good time on

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I love hecklers. They remind you that you

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I would love to have acidy spit.

I would love to have acidy spit. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: My favorite sexual position is when the girl

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I found someones passport on the ground tonight.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things? — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Saw a lost dog sign with a pic

Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: You have to learn the crowd. I just

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I don't have to do anything for anyone

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: Nice teeth is a turn on for me.

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it. — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I always wanted to be a snake. Every

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?' — Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes By Dane Cook: I was being chased by a giant crab.

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny. — Dane Cook