Dane Cook Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dane Cook quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs. — Dane Cook

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips. — Dane Cook

My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically. — Dane Cook

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. — Dane Cook

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic. — Dane Cook

I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody. — Dane Cook

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. — Dane Cook

Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more. — Dane Cook

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare. — Dane Cook

Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights. — Dane Cook

When you delete pictures of your ex off your phone, it feels lighter. — Dane Cook

I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering. — Dane Cook

I'm a late-night guy. — Dane Cook

I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls. — Dane Cook

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you. — Dane Cook

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person. — Dane Cook

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. — Dane Cook

If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping. — Dane Cook

When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true. — Dane Cook

You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky. — Dane Cook

Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook

I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting. — Dane Cook

It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance. — Dane Cook

When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator. — Dane Cook

I'm going to hell, ah ... but you're laughing, so you're coming. — Dane Cook

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them. — Dane Cook

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related. — Dane Cook

You can't teach an old hater new truths. — Dane Cook

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. — Dane Cook

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more. — Dane Cook

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges. — Dane Cook

Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones. — Dane Cook

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity. — Dane Cook

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there. — Dane Cook

You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker. — Dane Cook

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions. — Dane Cook

I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant. — Dane Cook

It really drives me banana sangwich. — Dane Cook

Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it. — Dane Cook

True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile! — Dane Cook

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching. — Dane Cook

Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion. — Dane Cook

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot! — Dane Cook

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it. — Dane Cook

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such. — Dane Cook

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up. — Dane Cook

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time. — Dane Cook

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable. — Dane Cook

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing. — Dane Cook

You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon. — Dane Cook

I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle. — Dane Cook

I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers. — Dane Cook

I won't take no for a question. — Dane Cook

Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote. — Dane Cook

Sometimes the only solution is figuring out a bigger problem to focus on. — Dane Cook

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. — Dane Cook

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day. — Dane Cook

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes. — Dane Cook

It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar. — Dane Cook

When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you." — Dane Cook

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke. — Dane Cook

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head. — Dane Cook

I'm not racist, I've got a black president. — Dane Cook

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby. — Dane Cook

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly? — Dane Cook

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school. — Dane Cook

Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got. — Dane Cook

When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that. — Dane Cook

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling. — Dane Cook

Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook

Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry? — Dane Cook

I'm completely ecstatic when a woman has own back story and brings something to the table and has a real strong kind of independence. — Dane Cook

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy. — Dane Cook

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers. — Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook

There's estrogen running through my veins! — Dane Cook

Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron. — Dane Cook

I was not abandoned as a child. I left. — Dane Cook

What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone. — Dane Cook

I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school — Dane Cook

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car. — Dane Cook

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous. — Dane Cook

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more. — Andy Kindler

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day. — Dane Cook

I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today. — Dane Cook

My grandmother died of natural causes. Or as my family calls it murdered by the lord. — Dane Cook

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job. — Dane Cook

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian. — Dane Cook

I would love to have acidy spit. — Dane Cook

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf. — Dane Cook

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things? — Dane Cook

Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch. — Dane Cook

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh. — Dane Cook

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations. — Dane Cook

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it. — Dane Cook

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?' — Dane Cook

I was being chased by a giant crab. [Audience laughs] That's not funny. — Dane Cook