Dana Gould Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Dana Gould
Dana Gould Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dana Gould quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Always think twice before asking anything of anyone that ends in the words, on your face.
— Dana Gould
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
— Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
— Dana Gould
The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
— Dana Gould
Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.
— Dana Gould
Being funny is not the same as being happy.
— Dana Gould
Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look ... great?
— Dana Gould
There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
— Dana Gould
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
— Dana Gould
Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
— Dana Gould
You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
— Dana Gould
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
— Dana Gould
When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
— Dana Gould
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
— Dana Gould
Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
— Dana Gould
I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
— Dana Gould
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
— Dana Gould
There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.
— Dana Gould
Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years ...
— Dana Gould
A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.
— Dana Gould
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
— Dana Gould
...Long story longer...
— Dana Gould
We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
— Dana Gould
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
— Dana Gould
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
— Dana Gould
Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.
— Dana Gould
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
— Dana Gould
Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.
— Dana Gould
Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
— Dana Gould
Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
— Dana Gould
Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.
— Dana Gould
I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.
— Dana Gould
That which does not kill you isn't finished.
— Dana Gould
There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.
— Dana Gould
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
— Dana Gould
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
— Dana Gould
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
— Dana Gould
