Bob Monkhouse Quotes: top 33 famous quotes about Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Bob Monkhouse quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: My father only hit me once, but he

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Real happiness is when you marry a girl

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I got a horse for my wife. I

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I can remember when safe sex meant a

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook,

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: My father was ruined by hard drink -

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I'll never stop working. I want to die

I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: When the inventor of the drawing board messed

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Growing old is compulsory - growing up is

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I can still enjoy sex at 74 -

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I was a born club comic. Radio and

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: You can always spot the employee playing golf

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!" — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Silence is not only golden, it is seldom

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: My mother tried to kill me when I

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I'd like to die like my old dad,

I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I got my start in silent radio.

I got my start in silent radio. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Where do the homeless have 90 per cent

Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: My wife was fitted with a coil. For

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I came home and found that my son

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: They all laughed when I said I'd become

They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: What do gardeners do when they retire?

What do gardeners do when they retire? — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: My wife said, 'Can my mother come down

My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.' — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I know I'm a sinner, but make me

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I told them I wanted to be a

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years:

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note! — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: The last time I was in Spain I

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. — Bob Monkhouse

Bob Monkhouse Quotes By Bob Monkhouse: With my wife it was sex, sex, sex

With my wife it was sex, sex, sex ... Yes, three times in 35 years. — Bob Monkhouse