Black Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Black Humor

Black Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Black Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out. — Tim Vine

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. — Mitch Hedberg

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice. — Lewis Black

Remember you are never really alone. Although it may feel like it for very long stretches of time. — Steven L. Peck

If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times. — Lewis Black

It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'. — Cassandra Clare

I believe in the salvation of humanity, in the future of cyanide ... — Emil Cioran

Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen — Olivia Cunning

After Tyler and Marla had sex about ten times, Tyler says, Marla said she wanted to get pregnant. Marla said she wanted to have Tyler's abortion. — Chuck Palahniuk

I had explained that a woman's asking for equality in the church would be comparable to a black person's demanding equality in the Ku Klux Klan — Mary Daly

I have a black sense of humor. You try living my life, see what color yours turns. — Karen Marie Moning

Sweet lovin' Lord. This place was like a Cabela's catalog on crack — Julie Ann Walker

It's self-effacing, it's hard-luck, the shtetl stories. All those Coasters things are an amalgam of Yiddish and black humor. — Jerry Leiber

Black holes are where God divided by zero. — Albert Einstein

I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music' ... I make fight music, for high school kids. — Eminem

Most of these editors, as they call themselves, couldn't even effectively edit a haiku. — Frank Black

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it. — Milton Jones

You make a very handsome dead eel, my husband,"
"For a boiled mollusk, you wear black quite well, my wife, — Grace Draven

The TV shouted an old black-and-white film he didn't recognize, wheelchairs facing it like church pews. — Sere Prince Halverson

Less talk, more screaming. — Michael J. Sullivan

In South Africa today, black is the new black, bra. — Zukiswa Wanner

Today he wore a burnt-orange shirt, black pants, and a tie that looked like a street fight at the south end of the color wheel. — Kathy Reichs

I've got a black-belt in crazy, and I know where you live. — Marjorie M. Liu

He says black, I say white and we do grey — Lazaro Hernandez

From time to time, you may see a girl wearing her black opaque tights as pants. They are, in fact, not. — Nina Garcia

Just kick ass, chew bubble gum, and drink black coffee. — Christopher Josephs

Who's your daddy?'
Myrnin stared at him as if he'd gone completely mental. 'Excuse me? — Rachel Caine

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals. — Rita Rudner

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now. — Natasha Leggero

You're the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John."
"But I only need one gay boy to undress me. — Sarah Black

I'm the best kind of thief, the kind that leaves behind items equal in value to those he's stolen. — Holly Black

Just relax and breathe through your ass. — Lewis Black

And the lives of these old black women were synthesized in their eyes- a puree of tragedy and humor, wickedness and serenity, truth and fantasy. — Toni Morrison

You've been all black and white, like Kansas. It's time to get back to Oz. Enjoy the colors. — Kaje Harper

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

These were the early Clinton years but the economy was still sucking an eighties cock ... — Junot Diaz

My film is very simple: An Eastern European story full of black humor about things everyone can feel and understand. — Malgorzata Szumowska

Magic is a naughty beast. — Rob E. Boley

What's wrong with you, Daniel? How can you laugh about these things? And I'm like, 'Cause crying only gets you halfway there, duh. — Cara Hoffman

Don't get mad, get everything. Ivana Trump — Jan Bryndza

I use a lot of humor in my writing. But it's completely black humor. — Kurt Vile

Don't be drinking the Haterade. — Holly Black

Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs. — Alice Hoffman

Fool! Nothing but black ink runs through my veins! — Hiromu Arakawa

Between the whiskers scraggling down his neck and the now-crooked glasses, he could have been the Black Allen Ginsberg. — Garth Risk Hallberg

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through! — George Lopez

How's your head?" the larger man asked.
"Do me a favor and cut it off," Black muttered. "It's more pain than it's worth right
now. — Tricia Owens

You write the way you think about the world. My motto in times of trouble - and I'm speaking of life, not writing - is 'no humor too black.' — Elizabeth McCracken

I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny. — Issa Rae

Snow came back, but she didn't come back right. — Rob E. Boley

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it. — Oscar Wilde

HELENA. What a fine day! Not too hot. [A pause.]

VOITSKI. A fine day to hang oneself. — Anton Chekhov

Go to the Black Sea, meet new people, see beautiful places, get killed by a mutant carnivorous kangaroo goat. One item off my bucket list. — Ilona Andrews

Gallows humor is part of having a doctor in the house. Deal with it. — J.R. Ward

Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrial
highway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Music played a large role in the survival of the black people in America - that and a sense of humor that just couldn't be enslaved. — Redd Foxx

When people got old, why did they always develop a passion for scrabbling in the earth? Were they trying to get used to it? — Sergei Lukyanenko

I hope you die ...
P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse. — Michael Ian Black

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"? — Frankie Boyle

Am I going crazy? Am I supposed to believe that God is a big black woman with a questionable sense of humor? — William Paul Young

You've never had wok-seared spicy broccoli until you've had takeout trans-temporal wok-seared spicy broccoli delivered by a copy of yourself. — Magnus Von Black

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists. — Yahtzee Croshaw

Man, it was a good thing vampires didn't get cancer. Lately he'd been chain-smoking like a felon. — J.R. Ward

Black holes are the last vestige of civilizations obsessed with tinkering. — Kane Freeman

A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early. — Michelle Franklin

A poor childhood in West Virginia had left Maura with a strong sense of self-reliance, a high tolerance for discomfort, and a black sense of humor. — Maggie Stiefvater

So, that's okay. It's not like you're turning into an Endarkened or something, like Kellen's evil stepbrother Anigrel the Black. — Mercedes Lackey

Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black. — Henry Ford

I was so drunk I couldn't tell a vagina from a bullet hole — Andres Aloi

Ali was sorry she ever compared Rugby Jersey guy to a giant bumblebee. — Julie Ann Walker

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black

As one veteran Russian pilot dryly told me:We have to be very careful flying in the clouds. Around here they are full of rocks. — Alan Hinkes

When I was a kid my mom used to tell me that if i have sex before i was married, my ... junk would turn black and fall off. — Cynthia Hand

That Loor's a handful, she is. - Spader (Black Water) — D.J. MacHale

Good God." he said incredulously. "You've got a black belt in purse attack, that's for damn sure. — Linda Howard

Every Friday is black where I work. — The Covert Comic

When I die I hope it may be said:
'Her suffering was black, but her books were read'. — Shannon L. Alder

The dumber people think you are, the most surprised they're going to be when you kill them. — William Clayton

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. — Jim Henson

Work with Evangeline Black? I'd rather be slit open from navel to nose." -CORBIN BLUE
"Good thing I always carry a knife." -EVIE BLACK — Gena Showalter

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. — Steve Martin

You're playing the creepy vibe a little hard," I said. "Might as well go for broke, put on a black top hat and pipe in some organ music. — Jim Butcher

Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony. The Black Company pg 447 — Glen Cook

I'm a writer, not a DJ. I don't take requests. — Kate LeDonne Black

Terrific. A bisexual dominant vampire with kidnapping expertise. — J.R. Ward

Don't you wish we all lived in black light ... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it — Josh Stern

If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass. — Lewis Black

I wasn't shy, but I was really hyper. Nobody got my sense of humor. I was a black skater kid. — Tyler, The Creator

My wife has a black belt in shopping. — Henny Youngman

Ann Boleyn...a Renaissance Audrey Hepburn in a little black dress. — JoAnn Spears

She was a small cat, barely five pounds of black chinchilla fur and fangs, but Pearl Harbor envied her air-raid vocalizations. — Rhys Ford

The cops got out of the car and came straight towards me. My first thought was, How hypocritical ... They head straight for the kid all in black ... — Bella Shadow

Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950's. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead. — Chuck Palahniuk

Brilliant? Ha! Your about as bright as a black hole!' Ellen resorted. — Charles Ogden

When he picked out the [gravesite] plot, my father had joked that he was moving, at last, to the suburbs. — Marco Roth

...Mrs. Percy understood that staying beautiful all day long is the most important aspect of being married... — Tevin Hansen

Was it against the law to vomit in the Oval Office? — Julie Ann Walker

My first boyfriend was black as well, but that doesn't prove I'm color-blind, just that I like big butts. — David Sedaris

Why does everyone have to be so cool all the time? And also why do white people always have to act like black people to avoid looking like dorks? — Sarah Miller

If they have to drag some of you fucking fuckers out of here in body bags, I will be so fucking stoked. — Michael Ian Black