Best Stephen Colbert Quotes: top 38 famous quotes about Best Stephen Colbert

Best Stephen Colbert Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Stephen Colbert quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway. — Stephen Colbert

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires. — Stephen Colbert

Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote. — Stephen Colbert

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell. — Stephen Colbert

Christianity is the best way to cure gayness - just get on your knees, take a swig of wine, and accept the body of a man into your mouth. — Stephen Colbert

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am. — Stephen Colbert

It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart. — Stephen Colbert

The more you know, the sadder you get. — Stephen Colbert

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character. — Stephen Colbert

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us. — Stephen Colbert

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty! — Stephen Colbert

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist. — Stephen Colbert

Look, I've got nothing against brains. Some of my best friends have them. — Stephen Colbert

Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. — Stephen Colbert

I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade ... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake. — Stephen Colbert

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait
no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?! — Stephen Colbert

I have a mug that actually verifies that I'm the world's best dad. That's a mug. That's not me talking. You can't just buy those. — Stephen Colbert

Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up. — Stephen Colbert

You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut. — Stephen Colbert

Now you'll have to wait for hours in line for medical care instead of immediately not getting any. — Stephen Colbert

You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now. — Stephen Colbert

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans. — Stephen Colbert

Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert

You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day? — Stephen Colbert

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again. — Stephen Colbert

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday.. no matter what happened Tuesday. — Stephen Colbert

I love being onstage. — Stephen Colbert

Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie. — Stephen Colbert

If you don't give power to the words that people throw at you to hurt you, they don't hurt you anymore. And you actually have power over those people. — Stephen Colbert

North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.' — Stephen Colbert

If you like Battlestar Galactica ... you're probably a huge nerd. — Stephen Colbert

When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around in a quitter. — Stephen Colbert

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them. — Stephen Colbert

If you imitate someone, you owe them a royalty check. If you emulate them, you don't. There's a big difference. Check your lawyer. — Stephen Colbert

Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?! — Stephen Colbert

Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority. — Stephen Colbert

Why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get. — Stephen Colbert