Best Joan Rivers Quotes: top 42 famous quotes about Best Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Joan Rivers quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I said Justin Bieber looked like a little

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian
and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: After we made love he took a piece

After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I have a million dollar figure ... but

I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside,

Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Why women don't blink during foreplay ... not

Why women don't blink during foreplay ... not enough time. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no

Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: The act of creation fascinates me. You can

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I was so flat I used to put

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write: "You are here". I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My breasts are so low now I can

My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My daughter and I are very close, we

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My best birth control now is just to

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I knew I was an unwanted child when

I knew I was an unwanted child when my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My mother could make anybody feel guilty -

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.' — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite

Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: It's obvious that women are smarter than men.

It's obvious that women are smarter than men. Think about it - diamonds are a girl's best friend; man's best friend is a dog. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Better laid than never.

Better laid than never. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I am definitely going to watch the Emmys

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for "Best Special Effects." — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I must admit I am nervous about getting

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Your proudest moment is to watch your egg

Your proudest moment is to watch your egg not just function, but to achieve on her own. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit,

My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover, Thanksgiving and birthdays. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: It's been so long since I made love

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: If you don't want gays in the military,

If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I'm tired of dealing with crazies. When did

I'm tired of dealing with crazies. When did it become my job to manage your mental illness? — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: You can find my book at your favorite

You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn't there, find a new favorite. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I think I've lost 3lbs - I'm very,

I think I've lost 3lbs - I'm very, very happy. I thought of it as work and a spa. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen

Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because
she couldn't remember the lines. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: All my friends are dying. That's why I

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion -

Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion - enjoy it! — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: When I turn down work, I feel guilty,

When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don't know where the next job is going to come from. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Every time I get on an airplane I

Every time I get on an airplane I figure it's gonna get blown up. You live on the edge. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: With this face, I need all the deals

With this face, I need all the deals I can get. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last

I'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: My body is a temple, and my temple

My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: With age comes wisdom. You don't need big

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: It's so long since I've had sex I've

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Joan Rivers: I don't mind aging, I just don't want

I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older. — Joan Rivers

Best Joan Rivers Quotes By Tom Robbins: Muddy Waters he play in the river Joan

Muddy Waters he play in the river Joan Rivers she play in the mud Swami guru play in a big salad bowl Counting lettuce and chewing his cud — Tom Robbins