Best Billy Connolly Quotes: top 30 famous quotes about Best Billy Connolly

Best Billy Connolly Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Best Billy Connolly quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. — Billy Connolly

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel? — Billy Connolly

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? — Billy Connolly

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes. — Billy Connolly

People die all the time. It's just that you're not around. — Billy Connolly

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one."
"Don't vote. It just encourages them ... — Billy Connolly

Outgrew the media ... The negativity felt like a disease. — Billy Connolly

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning ... That can keep me awake for days.. — Billy Connolly

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? — Billy Connolly

Fuck the begrudgers — Billy Connolly

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound. — Billy Connolly

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things. — Billy Connolly

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass? — Billy Connolly

Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires! — Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit. — Billy Connolly

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects. — Billy Connolly

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow. — Billy Connolly

When I read 'Be real, don't get caught acting,' I thought, 'How the hell do you do that?'. — Billy Connolly

Don't work out, work in. — Billy Connolly

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think. — Billy Connolly

Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life! — Billy Connolly

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is. — Billy Connolly

If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one. — Billy Connolly

Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do. — Billy Connolly

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else" — Billy Connolly

Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways. — Billy Connolly

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying. — Billy Connolly

I don't aim to offend. — Billy Connolly

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here — Billy Connolly

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home. — Billy Connolly