Mallory Ortberg quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Mallory Ortberg

Mallory Ortberg Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Mallory Ortberg on Wise Famous Quotes.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself.

A lot of my creative energy is spent coming up with a concept that, once I get it, I feel like it writes itself.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.

Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I grew up in a home where reading was a big deal.

I grew up in a home where reading was a big deal.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Don't let a friend make you feel publicly uncomfortable indefinitely just because they're probably a lesbian.

Don't let a friend make you feel publicly uncomfortable indefinitely just because they're probably a lesbian.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: haha must have been a weird typo it's illegal to hunt men but exhilarating

haha must have been a weird typo it's illegal to hunt men but exhilarating

Mallory Ortberg quotes: There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.

There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in.

When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.

You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: what is a dream but a series of lies designed to keep us immobilized in a dark room for hours at a time

what is a dream but a series of lies designed to keep us immobilized in a dark room for hours at a time

Mallory Ortberg quotes: It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.

It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It's true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings.

Did you know that, pound for pound, the moose is the leanest ruminant on Earth? It's true. Moose are very in tune with their natural surroundings.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to

If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to not have a dog.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12.

I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.

Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way.

I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I'm forgetful by nature and often ask family, friends, and co-workers the same question.

I'm forgetful by nature and often ask family, friends, and co-workers the same question.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: If and when you do decide to share your experience with your husband, it should be because you feel ready to do so, not for any other reason.

If and when you do decide to share your experience with your husband, it should be because you feel ready to do so, not for any other reason.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin.

LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'

Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.

Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.

Everyone wants to be liked; everyone wants approval. No one likes being ignored.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.

Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.

To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!

Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!

Mallory Ortberg quotes: There's no specific mission statement for the 'Toast.'

There's no specific mission statement for the 'Toast.'

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.

I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I'm of the belief that dating "potential" is almost always an exercise in frustration.

I'm of the belief that dating "potential" is almost always an exercise in frustration.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.

Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have.

Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them."

If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them."

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.

Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents.

It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: first of all she's not my girlfriend second of all denmark is a PRISON

first of all she's not my girlfriend second of all denmark is a PRISON

Mallory Ortberg quotes: There has to be some kind of personal hygiene bar that a person needs to clear in order for a relationship to be successful.

There has to be some kind of personal hygiene bar that a person needs to clear in order for a relationship to be successful.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.

Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling; others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.

Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling; others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.

I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: whoaI wasn't LOOKING at a birdwow where is this even coming fromthe BIRDwouldn't stop LOOKINGat ME

whoa
I wasn't LOOKING at a bird
wow where is this even coming from
the BIRD
wouldn't stop LOOKING
at ME

Mallory Ortberg quotes: If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.

If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: "Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people" and "treating gay people like human beings" are necessary conditions of greatness.

"Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people" and "treating gay people like human beings" are necessary conditions of greatness.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.

I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn't matter to you. Please don't miss out on it.

You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn't matter to you. Please don't miss out on it.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.

You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.

Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people's celebrations.

Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people's celebrations.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Arm yourself with as many options as possible before making your next move.

Arm yourself with as many options as possible before making your next move.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don't care. I love

It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don't care. I love writing in bed.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I graduated with an English degree and worked for awhile in academic publishing.

I graduated with an English degree and worked for awhile in academic publishing.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!

It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!

Mallory Ortberg quotes: You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.

You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: frosting emergencies are just as real as other kinds of emergencies

frosting emergencies are just as real as other kinds of emergencies

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.

Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: (Remember you always have the option of taking to the sea.)

(Remember you always have the option of taking to the sea.)

Mallory Ortberg quotes: why did you turn my friends into pigs i don't know maybe the real question is why are your friends so turn-into-pigsable

why did you turn my friends into pigs i don't know maybe the real question is why are your friends so turn-into-pigsable

Mallory Ortberg quotes: There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.

There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.

A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts.

In the hands of a passive-aggressive person who wants to abdicate responsibility for things, texting is a great tool. You can really go nuts.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day.

An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.

I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.

Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.

Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.

You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.

Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.

Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.

Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: It can't hurt to have a backup.

It can't hurt to have a backup.

Mallory Ortberg quotes: I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.

I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.