LIZ Quotes

I have many, many voices. I talk to my dogs like in the strangest voices you can imagine.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to say 'yes!' Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more!

You wanna party? It's $500 for kissing and $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.

When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.

We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.

Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.

All the pain on the outside can not undo what is felt on the inside.

It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.

I love Gwen Stefani's style, I think she's dope.

I will not calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.

Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?

Life is about learning new things and relearning old things.

Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.

There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!

I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.

God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.

You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?

Nothing like a good rib tickling read like Fifty Shades of Grey

I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.

Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.

My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.

I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.

You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.

I support women. I'm like a human BRA.

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

OK, here's a little bedroom tip: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave beforehand. That way when you're done, you have a treat.

I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.

Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?

Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.

Thanks, it's my own recipe. I use cheddar cheese instead of water.

If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.

Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica.

You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!