Les Dawson Quotes

Top 45 wise famous quotes and sayings by Les Dawson

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Les Dawson quotes: I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though. I took the wife's family out for tea biscuits. They weren't too happy about having to give blood though.
Les Dawson quotes: My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
Les Dawson quotes: I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum. I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
Les Dawson quotes: I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it. I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
Les Dawson quotes: With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever. With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
Les Dawson quotes: He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical. He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.
Les Dawson quotes: When we were courting, I told my wife: 'I could live in your eyes.' She said: 'You'd be at home; there's a stye in one of them.' When we were courting, I told my wife: 'I could live in your eyes.' She said: 'You'd be at home; there's a stye in one of them.'
Les Dawson quotes: My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale. My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.
Les Dawson quotes: Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow. Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.
Les Dawson quotes: I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Les Dawson quotes: I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles. I toyed with the idea of playing Ravel's 'Pavane pour une infante defunte' but I couldn't remember if it's a tune or Latin prescription for piles.
Les Dawson quotes: I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me. I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
Les Dawson quotes: The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him. The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.
Les Dawson quotes: My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.
Les Dawson quotes: I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it. I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
Les Dawson quotes: I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve. I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.
Les Dawson quotes: I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored. I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.
Les Dawson quotes: The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week. The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.
Les Dawson quotes: I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.' I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'
Les Dawson quotes: A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg. A square egg in a dish of lentils won't make a marrow bend with the wind, nor will it make rhubarb grow up the milkmaid's leg.
Les Dawson quotes: I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless. I need to give affection and love, because without that, I wither. I need to give that love to someone. Without that, I'm rudderless.
Les Dawson quotes: My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
Les Dawson quotes: I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
Les Dawson quotes: Despite the fact that feminists say they're not getting a fair deal, women are still very powerful. Despite the fact that feminists say they're not getting a fair deal, women are still very powerful.
Les Dawson quotes: I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary. I'd like to thank the BBC for allowing me to work here. And I'd like to thank the wife and kids for making it necessary.