Kevin Hearne quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Kevin Hearne

Kevin Hearne Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Kevin Hearne on Wise Famous Quotes.

It shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!>

I Keep a Wholesome Table."
Manannan Mac Lir

poxy shitweasel,

When he said to give him the sword, I don't think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.

Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it.

Mr. Tall, Blonde and Lightning

[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.

Am I not a fearsome enemy?"
"You frighten me primally.

You don't need to say any special incantation or sacrifice a stray cat or something first?

Do you think I'm some sort of sex-starved loser?" "Well, you are American." "What!" Great festering tapir tits, that was a stupid thing to say.

Its difficult to dislike a man who takes pleasure in giving away free beer.

Oberon "Holy revelations Druidman! She's on to us!"
Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right! Quick, to the Geekmobile!

Gibbering case of Oh, Shit! I believe that's a bona fide psychological term; if it isn't, it should be.

What's a fracking Cylon?

Tell her I am Peace Dawg but I think her cats are closely allied with The Man.
I'm going to stick it to them.

That was opportunity knocking. Rising

Their numbers swell like viruses until they madden someone with a large army.

What? Who? You can't throw around pronouns like that without their antecedents if you want people to follow you.

Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history.
Atticus O'Sullivan

This bastard is so guilty he already has his lawyer here.

The answer to enemies who heal annoyingly fast is always, always decapitation. That is why swords will never go out of style.

We should be going in there with a thousand naked warriors who fight like wet cats with dodgy bowls.

One cannot sass me with impunity.

What I'd truly been avoiding was love, the strongest binding there is, and the pain that scrapes at your insides when the bond is forcefully broken.

wooden plaque hangs from a nail, reading THE MASTER IS OUT, and I shake my head and flip it around. The other side also says THE MASTER IS OUT.

Demons smell like ass - nasty ass that slithers down your throat, finds your gag reflex, and sits on it with authority.

Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.

On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy
Krueger.
Granuaile MacTiernan

Silly cop, I don't need your help; I have a werewolf on retainer.

Iron can be bent to your will, if your will is stronger than the iron. But

Hopefully next time I won't be recovering from an assassination attempt, and then I'll do better.

You ever notice the rampant child neglect going on in faery tales" ~ Oberon

Bitch," he growls, immediately grasping for the world that most men do when they encounter a woman they can't control.

Do Angels have assholes?
Atticus O'Sullivan - Hexed

The victors' view of history rarely matches that of the vanquished.

The sun cannot shine as bright without a proper darkness to counter it.
The world had gone a bit gray.

landed on my chest and stuck its proboscis

Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete!

Douglas Adams was right: There is nothing so massively useful in the universe as a towel.

is the Way and the Truth.

I hope that if I ever travel two thousand years into the future, there will still be bacon.

Don't hate the Meat Lord, Atticus. Just offer him steak sauce and words of praise.

Atticus:I found it difficult not to grin like a geek at a Trekkie convention.

I just shook hands with a naked goddess. What was that she called you? She-ya-han? Does that mean dumbass in Old Irish or something?

I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes.

That wasn't English she was speaking: it was the language of diplomacy.

Silly dark elves. Earth is for Druids.

Technology is always perfectly dependable until it isn't.

It's not like the Middle Ages, when you had the Church and the aristocracy keeping everything nice and stagnant.

Being immortal did not make me invincible. Look at what the Bacchants did to that poor Orpheus fella.

Giving a witch your body fluids is akin to slicing off a choice cut of your buttocks and offering it to a werewolf.

They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.

I could only strive to live so that my merit outweighed my discredit.

Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.

So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smoothie concoction in the parking lot and found it to be quite delicious.

Falling in love is like that: you always feel like a dumbass at some point, even if you know it's coming - it's unavoidable.

Other people in my life right now, who help me forget all the other people I have buried or lost: They are truly magic for me.

It is a catalyst for suicide and untold other acts of selfishness and stupidity. I cannot think of a more poisonous emotion.

They say, 'You know nothing, Jon Snow.

To steer from the passenger seat. I sniggered. You have

Saint Lassie smiles upon me! It's Coyote, with a bag of goodies.

I didn't respond, because naked people never win arguments.

Heh! Fuck yew," I said.

Wow you need to get some sun."
"Shut up. I'm Irish.

Sweet Honey of Dagda, now I was babbling.

Excellent plan. Atticus out.

Horns honked in our wake, and people stomped on their brakes at the sight of a black Mustang being pursued by an airborne chariot.

She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.

That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.

Cunning is better than running.

Missing people in our lives are like wounds we reopen with thoughts.

I should like to take this opportunity to name you Sherlock and point out that there is no shit.

Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.

Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones.

Jesus ... It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who do Evil Shit in My Name.

Come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire. Oberon

Three gods, two Druids, and a selkie walk into a bar ...

Bullshit, as you Americans say.
He's Irish.
The Irish say bullshit too.

Gaia has left us wonder wherever we go, if we only open our eyes to it." ~ Atticus

You killed my father," he snorted in a basso profundo rumble. "Prepare to die!" "Inigo Montoya? Is that you?

You should learn Polish and read Szymborska!

With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand. It's so much easier. Why can't humans do that?

The gods damn you, look what you've done! If I want to grow this back, I'll have to endure the most terrifying sex imaginable! Gaahhhhhhh!

Vampires inspire screams, not squees.

No one takes you seriously when you're naked.

I just starred at him like he was trying to sell me the Sham-wow and the Slapchop for only $19.99

The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not."
~Oberon

Defend the honor of your arse-munching couch.

People today think ancient Egypt was ineffably cool. I blame this misconception on hieroglyphics and (to a lesser extent) on the Bangles.

Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.

At this point we hated each other as much as it was possible for two Irishmen to do-and that's quite a bit.

Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin' me lawn and killin' what Brits come around.

Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.

You're going to need a dann big can of big spray! Or maybe a rocket-propelled grenade. I have one in the garage, you want it?

His eyes were glowing egg yolks, burning Scut Farkus eyes to make your kidneys cringe.

I hurt in places I didn't know were places.

Atticus, ixnay issingpay off the oppercay.

so I drop the rock and cross my arms in front of me, suddenly self-conscious in the presence of two goddesses who look like comic book heroines.

We should make a pit trap with spikes in the bottom. You make the pit and I'll make the spikes.

What do pharmacists dream of? Caribbean vacations paid for by GlaxoSmithKline? Sample packs of Percocet? Her