Joseph Heller quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Joseph Heller

Joseph Heller Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Joseph Heller on Wise Famous Quotes.

And anything worth dying for

I write longhand and I type and I rewrite on the typed pages.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

He was working hard at increasing his life span. He did it by cultivating boredom.

If a man is going to leave one wife to marry another, it's better if he divorces the first before he marries the second.

Yossarian left money in the old woman's lap - it was odd how many wrongs leaving money seemed to right - and

It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.

never give testimony against another physician.

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.

She was the epitome of stately sorrow each time she smiled.

I wonder what kind of person would come out if I ever did erase all my inhibitions at once, what kind of being is bottled up inside me now.

You've been unable to adjust to the idea of war.'
'Yes, sir.'
'You have a morbid aversion to dying.

It's only that I feel an injustice has been committed. Why should I have somebody else's malaria and you have my dose of clap?

Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.

My fish dream is a sex dream.

From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.

[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.

You're inches away from death every time you go on a mission. How much older can you be at your age?

Even when he cheated he couldn't win, because the people he cheated against were always better at cheating too.

[They] agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Bureaucracy, as Hannah Arendt defined it: the rule of nobody. Roll

There was no way of really knowing anything, he knew, not even that there was no way of really knowing anything.

I used to think it was immoral to be unhappy.

Be thankful you're healthy." "Be bitter you're not going to stay that way." "Be glad you're even alive." "Be furious you're going to die.

Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.

There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.

Just pass the work I assign along to somebody else and trust to luck. We call that delegation of responsibility.

The syndicate makes the profit. And everybody has a share.

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on.

They had not brains enough to be introverted and repressed. Cronies

It was love at first sight.

I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

There is wisdom in madness, and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everybody is capable of everything.

There's a catch. Catch-22.

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.

I don't want to make sacrifices. I want to make dough.

That's what Paradise is- never knowing the difference.

He was going to live forever, or die in the attempt.

He knew everything there was to know about literature, except how to enjoy it

It isn't necessary to call me Father, the chaplain explained. I'm an Anabaptist.

Oh well," McWatt sang, "what the hell.

I can't start writing until I have a closing line.

where are the snowdens of yesteryear?

Every writer I know has trouble writing.

He was a militant idealist who crusaded against racial bigotry by growing faint in its presence.

Why are they going to disappear him?'
I don't know.'
It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar.

All you've got to do is lie there a few minutes and die a little.

The problem with the loneliness I suffer is that the company of others has never been a cure for it.

I'd rather have peanut brittle crumbs on my face than flies in my eyes, Havermeyer retorted.

The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.

They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.

The knife came down, missing him by inches, and he took off.

Death was irreversible, he suspected, and he began to think he was going to lose

I couldn't see tying myself down with a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own.

I frequently feel I'm being taken advantage of merely because I'm asked to do the work I'm paid to do.

Mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.

Of course you're dying. We're all dying. Where the devil else do you think you're heading?

I'm not running away from my responsibilities. I'm running to them. There's nothing negative about running away to save my life.

If character is destiny, the good are damned.

Let someone else get killed!

Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.

What do you do when it rains?"
The captain answered frankly. "I get wet.

We have no ideas, and they're pretty firm.

I see everything twice!

Since he had nothing better to do well in, he did well in school.

Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family.

Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.

I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

She destroyed egos by the score and made men hate themselves in the morning by the way she found them, used them, and tossed them aside.

Rise above principle and do what's right.

I had the strongest trade association in the world backing me up.

It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him.

Keep in mind that when we talk of a great painting we are not really talking about anything great. We are talking of only a painting.

All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.

Shooting skeet eight hours a month was excellent training for them. It trained them to shoot skeet.

They think that they're smart and that the rest of us are dumb.

You've got flies in your eyes. That's why you can't see them.

In a world in which success was the only virtue, he had resigned himself to failure.

You know, that's my trouble," he groaned. "I never listen to anybody. Somebody kept telling me to put my headlights on, but I just wouldn't listen.

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

Orr was one of the homeliest freaks Yossarian had ever encountered, and one of the most attractive.

I yearn for you tragically.

First impressions die slowly, bad impressions take even longer

And he sprang out of bed at the crack of noon every day just to make certain that the chores would not be done. He

Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.

A true prince. One of the finest, least dedicated men in the whole world.

In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

-You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot!

He began to wonder with genuine concern just what sort of shithead the Pentagon had foisted on him.

It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar. What the hell does it mean when they disappear somebody?

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.

It was miraculous. Each day he faced was another dangerous mission against mortality. And he had been surviving them for twenty-eight years.

Yossarian attended the education sessions because he wanted to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill him.

Because he needed a friend so desperately, he never found one.

You pompous, rotund, neighborly, vacuous, complacent ... - Yossarian

Moses has the Ten Commandments, it's true, but I've got much better lines - King David

Depreciating motels, junked automobiles, and quick-food joints grow like amber waves of grain.