John Cleese Quotes

Toffs could get up to speed. But Ben at least knew roughly

English television from the Fifties to the Nineties was the least bad in the world, and now it's just as bad as it is anywhere.

The writing is the most important bit, and performing it is just closing the circle because I'm less likely to screw it up than anyone else.

When I was in school, I was beaten every 30 minutes. It never did me any harm except for some psychological mal-adjustments and blurred vision.

Basil Fawlty was an easy character for me. For some reason, portraying a mean uptight incompetent bully comes naturally to me.

When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.

Only an obsessional procrastinator would cry, 'Let's run for our lives, but not till Wednesday afternoon.' Back

I can certainly see that you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn't know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret.

I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric!

I get bored easily. I've been bored most of my life.

Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.

I think the hard thing for young comedians is that the majority of the young people in the audience out there don't have the wide range of references.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

I don't want to have to start being unselfish again. The great thing about being on your own is you do what you damned well like.

Why write about the past? Well, there's more of it.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

No hope for planet at all. But I will be gone before the planet is gone, so it's your problem.

Creativity is not the possession of some special talent.
It's about the willingness to play.

But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

Laughter is a force for democracy.

When people say 'I'm not a prude, but ... ' what they mean is 'I am a prude, and ... '.

Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.

Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.

I think that I feel an indignation when I don't understand something.

He who laughs most, learns best

Terry Gilliam has spoken scathingly about my preference for physical comfort. I have come to the conclusion that this is very much his problem.

Years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself.

I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation.

I don't understand why very, very rich people want to have even more money than they've already got.

England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!

Nothing will stop you being creative more effectively as the fear of making a
mistake.

God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.

I realised that I really disliked him, and I knew exactly why: he didn't know the difference between being solemn and being serious.

And now for something completely different . . .

While you're being creative, nothing is wrong. There's no such thing as a mistake, and any drivel may lead to the breakthrough.

Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

There's something about watching an animal that puts you in contact with where we came from and what we're still a part of.

Cats are very intelligent at all the things that cats need to be intelligent about.

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.

Laughter destroys any divisions between people.

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

One minute, I was saying, "Hello, Mr. Bunny!" and smiling at its sweet little face and funny floppy ears. The next, the fucker savaged me.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

John Cleese ... he cannot sing and keeps a locked piano in his room to prove it.

Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like ... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all.

I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.

Yes, I know it's easy to make fun of the organised churches, but has it occurred to anyone to wonder why it's so easy?

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play

I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.

It was not fair and therefore unworthy of my respect. It was as simple as that.

The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole.

Whose fault is it, then? Dennis Compton's (Basil Fawlty)

Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.

What I've always wanted to do is be as funny as possible.

Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted.

Creativity is not a talent; it's a way of operating.

Tension is wonderful for making people laugh.

I love having different cultures around, but when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you're left thinking, 'Well, what's going on?'

Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

The French have so many civil wars, they can win one now and again.

When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.

To be creative you must create a space for yourself where you can be undisturbed ... separate from everyday concerns.

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

Give your mind as long as possible to come up with something original.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

Filming is like a long air journey: there's so much hanging around and boredom that they keep giving you food.

Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste; it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.

The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip.

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires.

Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.

I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.

What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.

My hovercraft is full of eels.

So . . . suddenly there were no tapes of The 1948 Show. It was no more. It was an ex-series.

I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering.

It's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.

The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there ... Not the other way around!

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'

We don't know where we get our ideas from. What we do know is that we do not get them from our laptops.

If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick,

Only a few things in life matter a little. The rest don't matter at all.

We moved back to the Raffles', then back to Devon (to Horrabridge, where I saw a spider so big I could hear its footsteps).

Always start where the energy is.

OTTO. Apes don't read philosophy.
WANDA. Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it.

What's the bleedin' point?

Other people, you know, put a latex rubber on, you know, to become sexually excited. There's so much I don't understand.

It's easier to be creative if you've got other people to play with.