Jimmy Fallon quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Jimmy Fallon on Wise Famous Quotes.

My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we had a surrogate.

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.

I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous.

A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial.

This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, 'Whichever comes first.'

No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank

I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.

Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in 2017.'

Thank you ... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

They got a great performance from me. I was happy.

President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name ... headlights.

When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m.

Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house.

I'd do entire music videos in my bedroom, where I used to stand in front of my television memorizing the moves to Michael Jackson's 'Beat It.'

Thank you ... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.

Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he done something about this?'

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'

I love Nashville. I've been here so many times ... oh man, I would stay here for a year if I could. It's just so much fun.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

Thank you ... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone else.'

Father's Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it's the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.

It's all about the script. Reality is key to me and less cutesy.

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

Sometimes in a movie, the lines are so perfect.

I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos.

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

I remember people saying to us, "You're too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out." I never listened to them.

I'm not a big baseball fan, to be honest.

Hurricane Irene ... the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers.

I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself.

Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'

'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.

I like doing energetic things.

A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.

It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running for president.

Republican Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president in 2016. So finally, Carnival is no longer the most dangerous cruise in America.

Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain.

A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: Sorry, just got your text!

A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it.

I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.

Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options?

You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.

I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.

I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA put it, "Hope you like Amtrak!

We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy dog.

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.

This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.

I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, 'Wait, what?'

When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on the phone

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.

Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade.

Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'

Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.

Success is ... happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra?

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.

I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed.

I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.

There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family.

If people want to see you, they'll find you. If they don't see you on TV, they'll find you on the Internet.

Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it.

Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn't a steak.

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.

I like being absurd. Being silly.

I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.

President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

I got every Dan Shaughnessy book known to man.

It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse.

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves.

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.

Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella.

Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously