Greg Behrendt quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Greg Behrendt

Greg Behrendt Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Greg Behrendt on Wise Famous Quotes.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

Don't spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything
related to his feelings for you

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?

Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.

People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.

When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you'd like them to be.

Be yourself. If something you do doesn't work, don't do it the next time. Listen to yourself - you know what appropriate behavior is.

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

He doesn't need to be reminded you're great.

I saw Aerosmith, and I was like, 'Wow, you can dress like a girl and still get girls? Hand me a scarf!'

If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.

You already have one asshole, you don't need another one

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend

You can't fix people or make them change; the only thing you can do is pack your shit and leave if it isn't working for you.

You are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.

I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.

Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.

He's just not that into you.

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

Don't waste the pretty

If he was so great, you'd still be together.

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The quickest way to rectify that mistake (choosing the wrong person) is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future.

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.

Always be classy. Never be crazy.

Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

I've learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.

I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.

But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation

Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people ... Because they'll let you down.

Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.

He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.

Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

A good indication that it's not is if you're only staying with What's His Name because you're scared.

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

My buddy Tom ... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would ...

There's a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

Meeting someone you like and dating him is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.

The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.

Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself

big plans require big action

Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.

Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.

Sometimes we become attached to what's familiar, and sometimes we hold on to things that are safe and predictable, even if they are bad for us.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

E may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater ... I'd be just fine.

I believe in love the verb, not the noun.

We were raised to pursue women ... Most of the guys I know enjoy the pursuit. But that doesn't mean women should be wallflowers.

Good enough to tweet, not to say.

I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.

Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: They don't break up with you.

You are not easily forgotten.

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with

Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.

Better than nothing is not good enough for you!

I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.

This life is yours and no one else's, and if you spend your time looking at other people's pages, you'll never get anything done.

When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.