Garrison Keillor Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Garrison Keillor

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Garrison Keillor Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Garrison Keillor on Wise Famous Quotes.

Garrison Keillor quotes: A book is a gift you can read again and again. A book is a gift you can read again and again.
Garrison Keillor quotes: If you can't trust your can opener, then what? Is your wastebasket going to get you? If you can't trust your can opener, then what? Is your wastebasket going to get you?
Garrison Keillor quotes: I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us. I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places. Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Book is a gift that you can open again and again. Book is a gift that you can open again and again.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do. I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do.
Garrison Keillor quotes: There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes. There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Garrison Keillor quotes: A good newspaper is never good enough, but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. A good newspaper is never good enough, but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
Garrison Keillor quotes: A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'. A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'.
Garrison Keillor quotes: People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people. People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people.
Garrison Keillor quotes: God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Garrison Keillor quotes: In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing. In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.
Garrison Keillor quotes: America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes. America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Demagogues thrive in dim light. Demagogues thrive in dim light.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved. I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.
Garrison Keillor quotes: The living wander away, we don't hear from them for months, years - but the dead move in with us to stay. The living wander away, we don't hear from them for months, years - but the dead move in with us to stay.
Garrison Keillor quotes: The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.
Garrison Keillor quotes: When you come to expect humor of people, you will never get it. When you come to expect humor of people, you will never get it.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material. Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
Garrison Keillor quotes: How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Garrison Keillor quotes: It?s a beautiful descent in a 737, into the Bitterroot Valley, following the Clark Fork River, on a perfect golden autumn day . It?s a beautiful descent in a 737, into the Bitterroot Valley, following the Clark Fork River, on a perfect golden autumn day .
Garrison Keillor quotes: Being rich and thin isn't everything. Being rich and thin isn't everything.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme. I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme.
Garrison Keillor quotes: When in doubt, look intelligent. When in doubt, look intelligent.
Garrison Keillor quotes: We'd all be alot happier if we'd stop assuming we're supposed to be happy. We'd all be alot happier if we'd stop assuming we're supposed to be happy.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill. Men peak at age nineteen and go downhill.
Garrison Keillor quotes: A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people. A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.
Garrison Keillor quotes: There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from. There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
Garrison Keillor quotes: They did not weave their lives around yours. They had their own lives, which were mysterious to you. They did not weave their lives around yours. They had their own lives, which were mysterious to you.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up. Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.
Garrison Keillor quotes: The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future. The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future.
Garrison Keillor quotes: The most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that. The most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.
Garrison Keillor quotes: You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news. You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Do you think it's right for Christians to use the names of pagan gods for the days of the week? Do you think it's right for Christians to use the names of pagan gods for the days of the week?
Garrison Keillor quotes: A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Garrison Keillor quotes: God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with. God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense. I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me, a gem. Nothing that readers say or do strikes me as a nuisance. Anyone who cracks open a book of mine is, to me, a gem.
Garrison Keillor quotes: If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here. If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here.
Garrison Keillor quotes: All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape? All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?
Garrison Keillor quotes: When you're a little kid, your heart is open and tender and a harsh word can go straight in and become part of your life. When you're a little kid, your heart is open and tender and a harsh word can go straight in and become part of your life.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
Garrison Keillor quotes: The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom. The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom.
Garrison Keillor quotes: We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass. We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are. Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better. I don't have a great eye for detail. I leave blanks in all of my stories. I leave out all detail, which leaves the reader to fill in something better.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Was asking what the difference was between mime and pantomime and no one would say. Was asking what the difference was between mime and pantomime and no one would say.
Garrison Keillor quotes: In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota. Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
Garrison Keillor quotes: In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes. In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody. Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.
Garrison Keillor quotes: That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers. That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Woman: Did you know that women are smarter than men? Man: No, I didn't. Woman: See what I mean? Woman: Did you know that women are smarter than men? Man: No, I didn't. Woman: See what I mean?
Garrison Keillor quotes: I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself. I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself.
Garrison Keillor quotes: You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories. You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.
Garrison Keillor quotes: We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service. We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
Garrison Keillor quotes: A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked. A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.
Garrison Keillor quotes: You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you. You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you.
Garrison Keillor quotes: In the end, all solutions are temporary. In the end, all solutions are temporary.
Garrison Keillor quotes: If you can't trust your can open, then what? If you can't trust your can open, then what?
Garrison Keillor quotes: No matter what time of year I come here, people always say the same thing: Its not usually like this. No matter what time of year I come here, people always say the same thing: Its not usually like this.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Give guilt - the gift that lasts forever. Give guilt - the gift that lasts forever.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality. Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you ... and to love one woman for the rest of your life. Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesnt kill you ... and to love one woman for the rest of your life.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love Love has the power to rescue us and not let go, otherwise it isn't love
Garrison Keillor quotes: Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that. Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Garrison Keillor quotes: They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.the people of Lake Woebegon Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.
the people of Lake Woebegon
Garrison Keillor quotes: An interesting thing about New York City is that the subways run through the sewers. An interesting thing about New York City is that the subways run through the sewers.
Garrison Keillor quotes: My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts. My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.
Garrison Keillor quotes: If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you? If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
Garrison Keillor quotes: Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy. Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Going to church no more making you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. Going to church no more making you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it. I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I just sort of slid into it, like you'd go for a walk in the woods and fall into a crevasse and wind up in a cave full of rubies I just sort of slid into it, like you'd go for a walk in the woods and fall into a crevasse and wind up in a cave full of rubies and emeralds.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it! Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!
Garrison Keillor quotes: Couldn't dance because it would awaken carnal desire, which in my case was not only awake, it was dressed and down on the corner waiting for the bus. Couldn't dance because it would awaken carnal desire, which in my case was not only awake, it was dressed and down on the corner waiting for the bus.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I was afraid you had deceased,' he said. 'Or gotten engrossed in a long book. I was afraid you had deceased,' he said. 'Or gotten engrossed in a long book.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car. Spending time in a church does not make you religious, any more than spending time in a garage makes you a car.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Be well, do good work, and keep in touch. Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers. Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Don't worry about the past and don't try to figure out the future Don't worry about the past and don't try to figure out the future
Garrison Keillor quotes: It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle. It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, now it is a problem to be overcome. Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, now it is a problem to be overcome.
Garrison Keillor quotes: There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family. There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Life itself is brief, and that is what charges the day with such ridiculous beauty. Life itself is brief, and that is what charges the day with such ridiculous beauty.
Garrison Keillor quotes: When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many. When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many.
Garrison Keillor quotes: She gave him such a look ... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block. She gave him such a look ... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness ... I remember when I switched from Christmas to sex as the secret of happiness ...
Garrison Keillor quotes: You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.
Garrison Keillor quotes: I want to resume the life of a shy person. I want to resume the life of a shy person.
Garrison Keillor quotes: If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster.
Garrison Keillor quotes: Did you know that half of all people are below average? Did you know that half of all people are below average?
Garrison Keillor quotes: Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it? Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?

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