Eugene Mirman quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Eugene Mirman on Wise Famous Quotes.

Eugene Mirman quotes: On a quick side note, I would argue thatmuch like Samuel L. JacksonI am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.

On a quick side note, I would argue that
much like Samuel L. Jackson
I am not arrogant at all; I'm just actually really, really great.

Eugene Mirman quotes: You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

I can kill a dog in six ways. Five of them are throwing missiles at it.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Don't get me wrong - I'll put $25 on the ground and then if you pick it up and we have sex in an alley, that's not a crime. That's

Don't get me wrong - I'll put $25 on the ground and then if you pick it up and we have sex in an alley, that's not a crime. That's a coincidence.

Eugene Mirman quotes: You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.

You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guyseither for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys
either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Eugene Mirman quotes: The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

Eugene Mirman quotes: God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.

God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.

Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.

Eugene Mirman quotes: It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.

It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.

Eugene Mirman quotes: This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book should be to you.

This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book should be to you.

Eugene Mirman quotes: You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.

You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Marriage is not something you should do just because you want to have a stable life, it's something you should do because you've run out of options.

Marriage is not something you should do just because you want to have a stable life, it's something you should do because you've run out of options.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I was at peace with it; I'd taken his hatred and insecurity-driven malice and turned it into fame, money, and of course, pussy.

I was at peace with it; I'd taken his hatred and insecurity-driven malice and turned it into fame, money, and of course, pussy.

Eugene Mirman quotes: When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.

I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.

Eugene Mirman quotes: On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.

On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

Eugene Mirman quotes: Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

Eugene Mirman quotes: I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.

I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.

Eugene Mirman quotes: What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

Eugene Mirman quotes: I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles ... because I didn't know.

I remember the first time I had sex. I wore a cape and goggles ... because I didn't know.

Eugene Mirman quotes: If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

Eugene Mirman quotes: If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

Eugene Mirman quotes: If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

Eugene Mirman quotes: If you're at a party with more than five people named Chad, get the fuck out right away.

If you're at a party with more than five people named Chad, get the fuck out right away.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.

I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.

Eugene Mirman quotes: The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

Eugene Mirman quotes: A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

A lot of the things I do are the sort of things I think are funny.

Eugene Mirman quotes: What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

Eugene Mirman quotes: I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

I don't think you should invest in commodities. Eddie Murphy made it seem risky in Trading Places.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

Eugene Mirman quotes: Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.

Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Try not to wake up on fire.

Try not to wake up on fire.

Eugene Mirman quotes: Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.

Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.