Elayne Boosler quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Elayne Boosler

Elayne Boosler Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Elayne Boosler on Wise Famous Quotes.

Elayne Boosler quotes: There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

Elayne Boosler quotes: The message of great art is to disturb.

The message of great art is to disturb.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

Elayne Boosler quotes: A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

Elayne Boosler quotes: When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'

Elayne Boosler quotes: I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

Elayne Boosler quotes: My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Elayne Boosler quotes: For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

Elayne Boosler quotes: There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

Elayne Boosler quotes: You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.

Elayne Boosler quotes: You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Elayne Boosler quotes: My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy.

My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

Elayne Boosler quotes: My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Elayne Boosler quotes: The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

Elayne Boosler quotes: You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Elayne Boosler quotes: President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Elayne Boosler quotes: San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Horse racing is waning in popularity.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

Elayne Boosler quotes: What do hookers do on their nights off, type?

What do hookers do on their nights off, type?

Elayne Boosler quotes: Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.

Elayne Boosler quotes: We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face.

We have wild animals in zoos, yet people rarely meet their 'food' face to face.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

Elayne Boosler quotes: My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

Elayne Boosler quotes: My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Elayne Boosler quotes: As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.

Elayne Boosler quotes: You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Elayne Boosler quotes: I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

Elayne Boosler quotes: To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

Elayne Boosler quotes: People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.

Elayne Boosler quotes: My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I've never been able to write for stand-up.

I've never been able to write for stand-up.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.

Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.

Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.

Elayne Boosler quotes: I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

Elayne Boosler quotes: Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?