David Spade quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by David Spade

David Spade Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from David Spade on Wise Famous Quotes.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

I have two skateboards, but I don't get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I've never used.

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

I never dated much in high school or college.

It wasn't a cutdown to call someone a Mexican. It would kill my career to refer to someone as Mexican today. It's like calling me an American.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

My school of thought is, anything goes, but I can't do that anymore.

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

If I try to cover too much ground, you start to get watered down and less interesting.

When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.

Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.

It's funny because it's funny.

Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.

To be famous and broke is hard.

With Saturday Night Live you're looking for any hook, any way to stay on the show.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

I have no detectable hair style.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.

I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.

No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

My older brother was cool, so I was suddenly cool by association. And I totally dusted all my old math friends.

On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

When my stepfather died, I just kind of fell apart. I felt pretty vulnerable, like there literally could be no tomorrow.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?"

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.

Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?

There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there's a million pitches.

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

My career is just kind of crazy.

I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.

I started doing the star turn and making a profit off it. Now I'm kind of one of them.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

Horrible date all through high school and college. Here's an impression of me on a date in high school. Come on, chug it!

How do you lay low but still do your job? Try to stay out there without being out there like Jenny McCarthy?

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.

It's hard to have a career.

It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.