Dane Cook Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Dane Cook

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Dane Cook Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Dane Cook on Wise Famous Quotes.

Dane Cook quotes: It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs. It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
Dane Cook quotes: My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically. My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I was born into phobia, basically.
Dane Cook quotes: I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50. I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
Dane Cook quotes: Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic. Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
Dane Cook quotes: If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny. If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Dane Cook quotes: I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more. I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
Dane Cook quotes: My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare. My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
Dane Cook quotes: Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire.
Dane Cook quotes: I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering. I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.
Dane Cook quotes: Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru? Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
Dane Cook quotes: I'm a late-night guy. I'm a late-night guy.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls. I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
Dane Cook quotes: You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you. You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
Dane Cook quotes: When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
Dane Cook quotes: I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning. I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.
Dane Cook quotes: There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person. There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
Dane Cook quotes: I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh. I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush. I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.
Dane Cook quotes: When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true. When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
Dane Cook quotes: Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face. Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook quotes: You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky. You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I'm the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.
Dane Cook quotes: Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.
Dane Cook quotes: When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer. When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
Dane Cook quotes: I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny. I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook quotes: I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin! I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook quotes: I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot. I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat. I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat.
Dane Cook quotes: When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator. When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm going to hell, ah ... but you're laughing, so you're coming. I'm going to hell, ah ... but you're laughing, so you're coming.
Dane Cook quotes: We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments. We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
Dane Cook quotes: I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities. I don't like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.
Dane Cook quotes: If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is. If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
Dane Cook quotes: Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones. Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.
Dane Cook quotes: Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity. Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
Dane Cook quotes: I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things. I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.
Dane Cook quotes: Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there. Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.
Dane Cook quotes: You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker. You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.
Dane Cook quotes: I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks. I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.
Dane Cook quotes: In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Dane Cook quotes: I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets. I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
Dane Cook quotes: What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens. What am I supposed to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens.
Dane Cook quotes: They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up ... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus. They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up ... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth. I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
Dane Cook quotes: When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop. When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Dane Cook quotes: When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change. When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
Dane Cook quotes: I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
Dane Cook quotes: I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant. I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
Dane Cook quotes: I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids. I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids.
Dane Cook quotes: I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head. I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.
Dane Cook quotes: Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
Dane Cook quotes: Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person. Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
Dane Cook quotes: I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers. I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
Dane Cook quotes: It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist. It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers. I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
Dane Cook quotes: I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies. I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Dane Cook quotes: I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology. I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
Dane Cook quotes: When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you." When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."
Dane Cook quotes: I get so into the moment. I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook quotes: You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act. You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
Dane Cook quotes: I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle. I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook quotes: There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes. There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
Dane Cook quotes: Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win. Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
Dane Cook quotes: Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh. Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
Dane Cook quotes: I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi. I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
Dane Cook quotes: Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch. Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch.
Dane Cook quotes: I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers. I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
Dane Cook quotes: I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous. I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up. I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today. I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
Dane Cook quotes: Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron. Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook quotes: I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian. I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
Dane Cook quotes: I would love to have acidy spit. I would love to have acidy spit.
Dane Cook quotes: I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car. I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
Dane Cook quotes: Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion. Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
Dane Cook quotes: What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone. What happens in Vegas, I'm telling everyone.
Dane Cook quotes: Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it. Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
Dane Cook quotes: I was not abandoned as a child. I left. I was not abandoned as a child. I left.
Dane Cook quotes: There's estrogen running through my veins! There's estrogen running through my veins!
Dane Cook quotes: I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school. I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
Dane Cook quotes: When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that. When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.
Dane Cook quotes: Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
Dane Cook quotes: Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry? Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
Dane Cook quotes: You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon. You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
Dane Cook quotes: Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke. Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
Dane Cook quotes: I'm not racist, I've got a black president. I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
Dane Cook quotes: It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes. It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.
Dane Cook quotes: Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day. Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
Dane Cook quotes: That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it. That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook quotes: I won't take no for a question. I won't take no for a question.
Dane Cook quotes: My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf. My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.
Dane Cook quotes: People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job. People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
Dane Cook quotes: Are there glass shards in my anus? Are there glass shards in my anus?
Dane Cook quotes: If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable. If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
Dane Cook quotes: I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things? I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?
Dane Cook quotes: You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh. You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook quotes: It really drives me banana sangwich. It really drives me banana sangwich.
Dane Cook quotes: I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby. I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane Cook quotes: Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot! Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook quotes: I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy. I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

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