I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence. 
Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges. 
The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it. 
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on. 
If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda. 
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker. 
I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. 
Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits. 
Canada, or as i call them, America Light. 
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people. 