Carl Hiaasen quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Carl Hiaasen

Carl Hiaasen Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Carl Hiaasen on Wise Famous Quotes.

My father used to say that you live most of your life inside your own head, so make sure it's a good space.

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

There is no writer's block in a newsroom. There's only unemployment block.

Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon.

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

If God was my co-pilot, Yancy once groused to Burton, I'd have the fucking pedal to the metal soon as I left the garage.

The classroom fell quiet, a long heavy silence that roared in Roy's ears like a train.

I won't be making any friends in the corporate suites.

The one word that no politician will ever speak, is 'enough.' Enough.

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.

I don't care if you pack it in fucking kryptonite, that lottery ticket ain't going up your ass.

The first rule of hurricane coverage is that every broadcast must begin with palm trees bending in the wind.

He paused and manufactured a chuckle.

Nope. He lives over in Boca Raton." "Oh fuck, Red." "I know, it's hor'ble. That's how come the five hundred a day.

stick together like shit on a shoe.

A well-regulated militia," Bode added, "like they talk about in the Second Amendment." "Oh," said Shiner. He hadn't read the first one yet.

In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.

My escape is to just get in a boat and disappear on the water.

When I'm working on a novel of my own, I try to read mostly nonfiction, although sometimes I break down and peek at something else.

The boy manifested the sort of submissive dimness that foretold a long sad future in minimum-security institutions

Unfortunately for novelists, real life is getting way too funny and far-fetched.

Whatever happens, I'm glad we ate that bleeping lizard.

I think it's always good for the author to stay a good cattle prod's distance from the actual moviemaking.

to a perfectly terrible day.

My driving record is not exemplary, but I have never had a speeding ticket over 100 m.p.h. I can say that unequivocally.

From the pancake house I drive directly to the county morgue. The contrast is not especially striking.

His mother wanted him closer to home. The funeral had been

Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.

Informed opponents of Obama's healthcare initiative have expressed dismay at the low level of discourse.

Coroners made Al Garcia jumpy; they always got so cheery when somebody came up with a fresh way to die.

My books are character-driven. They're not driven by the story.

Wahoo's father had absolutely no use for creeps who beat on small animals, especially kids.

You from the IRS? The man's voice was deep and wet, like mud slipping down a drain.

And the Chamber of Commerce was handing out cyanide capsules.

Malley told the shrink that she'd run away because Justin

If anything is more irresistible than Jesus, it's Mickey.

A quick puke, two rails of blow and she was solid.

Jimmy Lee Baylis was a wise man, and knew better than to talk back to the man who signed his paycheck.

That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.

Remember what happened last time with the 'cuda.

They have a crystalline sense of right and wrong; it disappears when they walk out the door with their M.B.A.

We've always been fascinated with movie stars and singers, but the fascination with people who really have nothing to offer is something new.

She said there was no tactful way for a naked person to cope with a runny nose, especially while dancing. Orly grudgingly agreed.

I'm waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh's pharmacist writes a book.

The victim's hand was contracted into a fist except for the middle digit, which was rigidly extended.

Losing his hair. Ms. Chase and me,

From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?"
"First I need a virgin.

I'd always wanted to write books ever since I was a kid.

Boyd Shreave tore the page from Eugenie Fonda's memoir and, with a contemptuous flourish, wiped his ass with it.

Everybody's idea of a great book is different, of course. For me it's one that makes my jaw drop on every page, the writing is so original.

sucking on a football.

Cell phone the night he died. She'd obtained this key information

The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.

My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.

It's easy to get distracted by the vaudevillian aspects of the healthcare debate.

Hey. Sometimes to conclusions.

Whether he's still a threat to innocent doors remains to be seen. By

The greatest sin for a writer is to be boring.

I've never progressed very far from my days as a smart aleck in middle school.

One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.

The dog proved to be as dumb and stubborn as a mud fence, so Stranahan had named him Strom.

As far as I'm concerned, the gator that ate T.C. deserves a medal from Crime Stoppers.

I married an asshole, she thought, knifing into the waves.

Shreave flicked away the dead mosquito. "Don't these things carry the bird flu too?"
"No Boyd, that would be a bird.

Nobody said he was Alvin Einstein.

Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.

Unfortunately, I don't get to read nearly as much as I want because I'm always working on my own stuff, either the novels or newspaper columns.

I don't have an e-reader. One reason is that I like to dog-ear the page when I find a particularly good sentence or passage.

Just because something was legal didn't automatically make it right.

and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.

He wondered if something was mentally wrong with him for being content with what he had

Disney world is an armpit,compared to Montana!!