Brian Regan quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Brian Regan

Brian Regan Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Brian Regan on Wise Famous Quotes.

I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by that.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

Do not stand directly in front of a cannon ... how true that is.

I could go for a sandwich, but I'm not gonna open two jars.

I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things that are creative.

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

As long as I can make that audience one thing, one unit, then I'm okay with it. But, sometimes, the bigger the audience, the weirder it gets.

Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you.

Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!

Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.

If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again.

Hooked on Phonics worked for me

The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this ... skirmish.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?

It means a lot to me to have my kids like what I do. And that's why I limit them. But I don't want to put that pressure on them to be a fan of mine.

I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve!

Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective.

I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.

Brian, relax, man. You've gotta relax when you make the crank calls.

I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you.

Mmmm! Lunch and no clean up!! Can life get better? I submit that it CANNOT!!

MOOSEN!!!!!!! There many MOOSEN in the WOODSEN! MANY MUCH MOOSEN! The Meisin wanted and the MOOSEN and ...

Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say?

So, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

It's good to be here. I'm just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It's not working out too well.

Read read good...

I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. "Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge."

I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist your little plastic utensil.

Hey, lay off the dairy. And uh, no more happiness.

Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?'

I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to learn how to like those a little bit.

The bigger the show, the weirder it is.

THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN!!!